I just woke up in bed with 4 girls. Either i dont remember the best night of my life or they think im gay.
My sole motivation for showering this morning was to masturbate. Something is wrong here...
I am pretty sure I told him the clouds were earth's purest filtration system and that snow was the rarest and most delicious water in the world. My lips are burning because we ate so much.
We can grow old together and our livers can fail together
Even his old football coach jokes about how big it is. I don't want to be alone in a room with him and that monster.
I think we should roll her a welcome back, sorry your godmom's on life support blunt.
You talked about giving to sperm banks on a first date. What did you expect?
So we came to a decision, you need to fuck your hot roommate and send us pictures. We voted, so don't hate the democracy this great country stands for
Im wearing a bra. Made of paint.
People will say "JOE YOU MUST TURN DOWN" and I will refuse, in the name of liberty.
She climbed up the stairs with three brownies in one fist, two in the other, and one in her mouth. Also, she opened the bedroom door with her foot. I may be in love.
I named my Roomba after my pot dealer. I have a problem, don't i?
My roommate just yelled at me for coughing. I'd like to yell at her for doing lines off our counter last night.
I'll start working on my manners when you stop using please and thank you in the bedroom.
Why are we so out going and care free I can't wait for maturity to kick in so we stop having 700 dollar bar tabs
Randomize
