Strawberries are so good its weird that food is growable
You know it's an interesting night when you drunkenly scream at your boss, "You'd make a HORRIBLE OBGYN!! You're hands are ENORMOUS!"
and ill be dreaming of you. not in a creepy way, but in an inappropriate way
Why is there not a 'day after acid' genre. Or even a pandora station or something.
your mom just called me and asked me why i'm not in jail with you right now.
You're going to the beach with me so we can have beach sex whether you like it or not. Get over it. Kthx.
When did you hit me on the head with a stool?
I wish you would stop telling everyone that your cock turned me into a Bears fan.
the remote is under the fat chick passed out on the couch. Good luck .. and may god have mercy on your soul.
I just want to have normal problems like what kind of puppy to get, or should I pay a hooker to fuck Scott, or even a dilemma about fucking Twizzlers. I don't know.
To keep it classy I will take a pregnacy test on Mother's Day
guy at the bar just asked how many cows we have on our land, then proceeds to ask me out. you know your from the country when....
Honestly I volunteered because the email made it sound like it was a once in a lifetime opportunity to be a sexual spy kid.
I woke up, topless, my car was parked funny so I threw on my hoodieto go fix it and found a jello shot in my pocket. where did I go last night?!
you told us the chicken was mocking you, then proceeded to explain that every time someone reads your mind you accidentally think of something sexual
Randomize
