this may or may not be the weed talking, but this is by far the best tasting toothpaste i've ever had
and when i screamed you came in my eye, i found out that everyone else in the room had only pretneded to be sleeping
Using Dr. Seuss quotes to ask me how badly I want your penis is not appropriate.
he literaly had industrial grade plastic underneth his blankets
you kept saying 'can i put my penis on the grill?' and it was all i could do to stop you. you're welcome, though
The frequency that you give me blue balls couldn't be healthy.
And all I wanted you to do is stand there and sing who let the dogs out.
she gave me her number. found out it was already stored in my phone as "bathroom blowjob"
My birthday was already very memorable but her punching me in the face put it over the top. I love being 25 and still not giving a fuck.
This cabbie knows where I live. Both awesome and weird.
Also I feel that I would be a hell of a sled dog operator.
They flooded the bathroom and their version of cleaning it up was to throw our couch cushions on it. That's when I decided to chug tequila and go drunk bowling. So hitting the kid with my ball is really their fault.
Yeah that doesn't involve enough booze, count me out
Do you think I can get away with quoting Work Bitch by Britney Spears in my speech?
Not sure how but he broke three of his fingers while giving a blowjob. How does someone that accident prone survive to adulthood?
Randomize
