what is TOTES MCGOATS in spanish?
I wish alcohol would automatically work as birth control if you have sex drunk.
I woke up 25 minutes ago and have been high for 20. Impressive?
this kid just offered me adderall in exchange for my meal points. college at its finest
Sitting on the floor in my kitchen eating taquitos. Being this drunk the next day has lost its allure post graduation.
She kicked in my bedroom door in only high-heals with a bottle of wine, announcing it was "cock-o-clock"
Are we in any of the areas with tornados?
Dude, i don't even have pants on yet, it's too early to think about tornadoes.
Just rolled up to a matinee showing of THE HOBBIT. At the dollar theater. Alone. In sweats. With a fifth of sunnybrook and leftover pizza in a ziplock. There's a dude here in cape with his elderly mother. I'm handling this breakup FIIIIIINE.
I think you're my mermaid sister. Separated at birth, by sea.
Did body shots with a guy... Ended up being the ref of my volleyball game... So that's why we won
The Wolf of Wall Street “I ain’t fuckin’ leaving!” speech when the cops broke up your party though...
We got kicked out of yet another strip club because your mom wanted to "show these kiddies how it's done"
I'm pretty sure ignoring the person that just sent you a picture of their boobs is bad nude etiquette.
When I met you, I was just like "who the fuck is this drunk chick throwing up on my bed?" But I'm glad we're friends now
On cleanup... i've counted 94 solo cups so far.. oh, and i found a miniature top hat in the microwave
Randomize
