My sheets look like a crime scene.
you know it is a bad morning when you forget to brush your teeth and eat old gas x in your car because its minty...
dear roomies, would anyone wanna donate the booze they left in the fridge over break to the "your roomies snowed in and all alone" fund?
They have a pepper shaker for pot.
Her face was so far in my boobs, I didn't think she'd make it out. She took it like a man. She's a real trooper.
Hands down the most disgusting picture message ever received. Thank you.
im here for your entertainment
I want to apologize in advance for texting you a picture of my penis tonight.
the creek. my friends left me at a party next thing i know im in a breaststroke relay race with a bunch of randos in the dark
I'm wearing your poncho, and only your poncho. I'm not getting pulled over like this.
i've really grown. sober me left an alarm for me every 10 minutes that said NO FAT CHICKS!
dude. im stealing that.
walking back to the dorm.. she is flashing evryone, demanding beads. we tried to stop her and now she just keeps yelling "Bourbon st bitchesss"... you get her tomorrow
I don't understand how 5 bottles of booze became normal or acceptable per 2.5 people
Yo making cake in the shape of a penis is no easy feat
If you had a dick, I would hope it falls off and comes back to haunt you while fucking your ears at night. But you don't. But if you did, that's how mad I am at you
I let a drunk straight girl spank me with a metal paddle at the bar tonight. Remind me to never do that again.
Randomize
