what the fuck were we smoking when we had a conversation about how my brother would be so proud if i fucked an orange alien?!?
Steve is enlightening me on how and why u put gerbils up your ass
Kay wants to put chicklets in our cooters to make beavers and take pix captioned Got Wood? Taking public transit does scary things to her.
When I unzipped my pants I said "Release the Cracken"... she dug it so we're getting married soon.
All we had was a keg so we played edward nalgene-hands
well, it ended with me crying outside the strip club saying i don't want to be 21 anymoree. i'd say it was a great 21st birthday.
He gave her the shocker .. I didn't know people really did that.
Sketchest drug deal yet.... I just got paid in quarters and chucky chesse tokens. I need to stop hooking my friends up.
They have chocolate covered tequila candy at work. This is not a drill. May be drunk by noon.
How many strippers in the world do you think have had a debate with someone about the NRA?
You told me you had two boobs that want to be naked for me. I'm just following up on your request.
fucked a girl in the dry storage closet at work. knocked over a whole rack of tomato paste and pinto beans. and also i really hope my manager doesn't review this footage from the security camera
Dude, she set my Tinder preference to men, set the radius to 100 miles, and used up all of my right swipes. I think she's mad.
When he said he lived in a closet I thought he meant his room was really small or something... But he actually has a queen size mattress on the floor of his roomates walk-in closet.
The closest thing I've had to an orgasm lately is sneezing nonstop from fucking allergies.
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