dude, the reading rainbow guy was just talking to a HOLOGRAM
Are you sure you're not watching Star Trek?
wait... oh
i kno its fucked up..but id rather sleep it off than seek medical attention right now
what kind of morning-after breakfast implies 'thanks for the sex, but i'm not gonna call you ever again'?
I'm going to fuck my way out of the friend zone if its the last thing I do
Hey for future reference vodka can not be substituted for water when shaving your legs
I want to bury your face in my vagina. Possibly by force. I will try not to suffocate you though.
uhh when the x-ray tec was moving your head you licked his hand and meowed.. i think he knew you weren't sober
How bad does the situation have to be before its ok to attempt 'catastrophic event sex'?
Apparently my downstairs neighbors don't much appreciate it when I do drunk aerobics at 3am on a Wednesday...
I woke up next to her boyfriend and she woke up next to mine....
This is like a fucked up game of musical chairs.
I'm not sure any amount of coworker judgement will keep me from eating oatmeal with dinosaur eggs.
some girl at the bar told me my beard would tickle every inch of her body till she joy puked her face off.... that was so random and odd i just had to buy her a drink for having the guts to say it to me. WTF
hey, being drunk and dumb is my thing. Don't take that away from me.
A 5 day bender that ended with refusing to pay my bar tab before I left the city. I offered to send them a selfie so they knew to never let me back in.
He couldn’t find my clit with a map. Literally. I drew him a map.
Randomize
