hey soul. what's that? you, dignity and pride are left for the night? coulda told me that before i vomited all over my mother.
so im kinda of nervous about the whole bust inside event last night
my mom used to put diet coke in my bottle. i can pretty much handle anything.
Almost made out with Amanda but I told her "I'm in a committed fake lesbian relationship with Laura. I can't."
I drink more single than I do in relationships. Except with assface.
Wtf man. I knew she was bad news. No sane person cares if you eat their raviolli.
We haven't even eaten dinner yet and she's already been asked to "take it down a notch" by the groom's mom.
He put his hand in my cleavage. NOT ON. IN. BETWEEN. NO more gingers
Today, my weed came in a pokéball. I officially love my dealer.
Listen, if I miss the flight to Vegas because she's still rimming my ass, it will have been worth it.
That cat I follow on Facebook beat cancer so we're drinking tonight in celebration
Whatever, ill dance on the bar at applebees, don't try and act like you're above it.
Only true party girls take their birth control with Smirnoff.
I'm a history major and he's the descendant of TWO presidents. Did you really think I wasn't going to sleep with him?
im just letting you know I walked in on you with four different guys last night. a. you were all naked. b. they're all roommates
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