I haven't had sex in so long I'll probably find some stranger, feel guilty, go w/o sex for several months and do it all over again...always something to look forward to
there really is only one way to give a PowerPoint presentation in your senior capstone class: still drunk.
You get to witness red pubes. I'm almost jealous. That's like my dream.
Does Vicodin go better with white or red wine?
Well, I just watched him puke into his pitcher at the bar, I doubt he cares about anything other than the fact that he needs a new beer.
Not quite sure what happened last night. I'll drive your dresser over to you later.....
You broke a cabinet. You were climbing up it and it collapsed on you. Lines were crossed.
Kegstand on crutches, you need to get on my level.
If you're that baked in a class full of people that know you're that baked you tend to offer up a peace offering. Its like the burrito of trust! If eaten you are now obligated to help maintain my grades and keep me from falling out of my chair. $3.75 a morning is worth it for that mafia type protection!
It has become abundantly clear why you give me pixie stix when you're drunk now...
He is just a personification of a vodka hangover.
Yes. Sex with questionable women, and made of potatoes.
Remember when we used to go to the bathroom to do drugs together? Now it's to help you with your spanx.
She told me to pick her up in the corner of shame and self-disgust.
You texted me a picture of some random naked guy. Did you lose your virginity?
I've finally become one of those chicks with a taco in her purse.
Fuck. I think I can already feel tomorrow's hangover. It's like future me cane back to warn present me about the impending doom but didn't turn the time dial back far enough.
Randomize
