Not really fighting over the same girl. He takes her out to dinner and then I come over and fuck her. We've worked out the perfect relationship.
pretty sure i had my hand down BOTH their pants at the same time at some point...
Just hit on a fat chick so shed buy me a drink. Then i walked away. Nice to see how the other half lives.
Just found a picture of a hobo making out with her tits...a HOBO
Well, at least he doesn't refer to you as his associate. his mattress associate
You made everyone who was on the patio sit on the floor and join your "ship" because you were the Captain. It was cool though. You let me be your 1st Mate.
Call me when you get off. I have stories about black lesbians in jail begging to braid my hair...
Apparently she got a minor consumption for using vodka soak tapmons
Does that work!! Please say yes
We should just do therapy together, clearly we have all the same issues. It's why we are friends.
It can't be Friday yet, in still getting friend requests of people I don't remember from last weekend
can i get licensed in dentistry online like a priest
How's Vegas?
Woke up with a sculpture of my own head. Been trying to find Ashley for two days. so pretty not too bad.
The tequila monkeys have a drum solo in my skull right now. I can't imagine Emily feels better.
I was not drunk. There was Star Wars, sex, and baby oil.
Hi darlin, what are you doing tonight?
.... Things I will not be proud of
Randomize
