laying in bed listening to christian music, jealous of the hope they have for their life. also need to beat off, can i think about you?
Last night, my friend changed all my contacts in my phone. I have been texted by Batman, Donatello, and Hermione Granger. I have no idea who they are, and it doesn't upset me at all.
I can't believe I'm wasting this thong on a guy in a sweater vest.
Who would have thought the night we were surrounded by 4 cops would be the most responsible night of the week.
She's a Laker fan, her sister is a Celtic fan... no matter who wins I'm getting a celebration bj from one of them!
He turned me down because he was still doing his taxes.
He is currently pregaming mini golf. MINI GOLF.
We decided it was acceptable to walk out of class on a quest for Doritos. That high.
You want to groom your chest hair? You mean with a little baby chest hair brush? Because that sounds adorable.
I've been smoking weed using candles all week and I just found a lighter. This may truly be the happiest moment of my life. It's embarrassing how excited I got
I'm not sure... How do you tell someone who was so smashed they couldn't remember shoving their dick into the fireplace that their mother actually witnessed the whole thing?
For the record you're an amazing lay and you have great taste in breakfast sandwiches
We went from him going down on me to swapping baby pictures of our moms.
I'm not just straddling the line between love and hate, I'm dry humping the shit out of it
It seems that I didn’t convey clearly enough how well and truly fucked we are, Jack. Listen to me very closely: we are DEAD.
Randomize
