My first STD was from a foam party
so... another position just opened up(704) Oh really?(704) Is it John's?(704) Or did you find a new way to take a penis?
I solve my problems like an adult, at the strip club drinking on a work night.
i used baking grease as lip gloss
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Just saw a baby with a T-shirt that read "I am the result of my mother forgetting to take her magic pills". I can't believe they make shit like that.
DO NOT FUCK HIM ON MY BEAN BAG CHAIR
bring the dog... nobody goes to jail with a dog.
Just rinsed and put my styrofoam cup of noodles in the dishwasher. I need to be not hungover ASAP
So stoned i forgot i was in bed
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Holy fucking shit the worst thing for a hangover ever--A FUCKING BOLLYWOOD MOVIE BLARING IN CLASS
Not sure if your roommate speaks German while sleeping, or if she woke up, figured out we were fucking, and used German to swear at us.
And all i could do was bury the part of me that felt guilty for cradle robbing and put on my dick swallowing bib.
MY MOM WALKED IN WHILE I WAS EATING THEM OUT AND STARTED ASKING US ABOUT THE PROJECT RUNWAY EPISODE WE WERE WATCHING EARLIER
that sounds horrible...
what could possibly go wrong attempting to re-enact the dinosaur capture scene from Jurrasic Park... I have the net gun and camcorder you have the dino costume and can run
I just drunkenly accidentally had sex with my boss
Did you at least ask for a raise?
No but I am now the owner of one of either his or his roomate's teeshirts... Maybe I can use it to negotiate?