after the cops left he pulled the weed out of his ass and we smoked it
the semester is winding down: time to procrastinate by googling cheap keg options
So, you didn't have time to come pick me up but you did have time to get plastered and then write "champagne money" on every one of my statuses for the past month?
You stuck your head out the window to puke and got hit with a mailbox.
I am literally hand feeding my crying ex boyfriend taco bell. What has my life become?
he tried breathing fire using moonshine and a roman candle. would not have believed it unless i actually witnessed it.
It's that time of the week again where I begin to ponder life's great questions like, "What will my pathetic excuse for a future look like?" and "Why tacos?"
Wors thing about having a cop dad: random drug testing
So high I started thinking my desktop picture of a cat was too erotic for the workplace.
You turn 21 at midnight!
This is better than being born!!
I'm pretty sure the guy who was grinding on me while I was trying to get a drink at he bar was one of my tinder matches
And what in gods fuck were you drinking. It tasted like windex with a mixture of juce
we had to follow your trail of clothes to find you.......
Apparently karate chopping the fronts off all the paper towel and soap dispensers in the bathrooms isn't even frowned upon. Like even at the third bar when I fell flat on my back trying to jump kick the last one some guy just helped me up and high fived me. America.
His junk had piercings everywhere. The dick and balls. It was a fucking pirate penis.
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