I think in growing up..I've been having a hard time masterbating to fictional characters
Woke up with 3 sports bras for underwear. Valiant effort drunk me.
Maybe your new years resolution should be not to fuck in Sears bathroom anymore.
I CAME HOME WITH MY NIPPLES PEIRCED! WE WERE CAMPING. IN THE MOUNTIANS. I DONT EVEN REMEMBER IT AT ALL.
Zak is like the Picasso of masterbatory texts
I have to stop letting him stay all weekend. I feel like a cored apple.
three guys with a tattoo of the Walmart rollback smiley holding up a middle finger on their ass=free drinks in every bar
Got paid 100 bucks to babysit a kid for five hours while hungover. I slept the whole time and threw up twice. Yes 100 bucks.
i found waldo and immediately set him to work eating me out. please have more out of season costume parties.
I just traded a couple nudes for pizza delivery. Call me lazy, easy, or an entrepreneur, but either way I'll have dominoes in 15 minutes.
I'm tryna think of an appropriate time to say "when I suck other dicks they seem like training dicks compared to yours" but I really can't think of a good way to say that
I'm just going to take a nap and hope I wake up more attractive.
So this is what bad decisions tastes like...
I was singing Colors of the Wind and swigging vodka and still felt like more of an adult.
I kept my extra Molly pill in my wallet in the change part, that's also where I keep my body jewelry while I'm working. The nose ring punctured the pill essentially coating itself in MDMA. My nose ring is back in my nose. This could be entertaining
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