do you remember what downloading porn with a 14k modem was like?
you ended the night by relentlessly sucking on my hips bone and hand demanding milk. you said it was because you were a tiger
PS- did you die? If you did just text "dead" to me, so that I know.
It felt like his penis had an endoskeleton.
Your dick is once again the conversation topic.
I just saw a license plate that said "Guidete" at college. This proves the world is officially ending in 2012
Apparently unused tampons can also double as things to bite down on during public sex to prevent screaming...
He left in the middle of the night, he left his shoes behind and stole my doc martens..size 6 female. Wtf?
And then my hands went numb and no one believed me so I started putting peoples cigarettes out on them. Shitty idea i'll tell you that much
It's getting harder and harder to find People to carry her home
She shouldn't drink
I think I'm leaving the streamers and balloons up from 4th of july till after he stops by. It'll be like the universe is celebrating his massive dick.
Hey I consider Sunday's trip to the ER a success. You're alive and now you know for sure you're not pregnant. I got my highest ever Tetris score. Wins all around.
Btw. I have a sinus infection from doing cocaine in a portapotty at a Duran Duran concert. So, gimme a couple of days before y'all start the party.
Fun fact: My predictive text now prompts "walrus" as the most likely word to follow "intoxicated"...
Sorry my friend with benefits tried to run you over with his car
Randomize
