dude, she masturbates with a ken doll.
Dude has a bag of wine attached to his belt. These guys don't fuck around.
Dude its so hot it my room I can't jack off. Its gonna be a long summer.
watching my parents drink 4 loko out of usf cups playing pool and rocking out to ACDC...
Can I come live with you?
She gave me a handjob while eating a mcdouble with mayo on the way home from the bars at 2 in the morning. Car was full of people. This could be forever
I call it my summer of slut; except summer lasts from May until December. It's been incredibly successful
Sometimes you gotta take mushrooms and swim on a rooftop pool to figure out your relationship
Oh I was gonna ask you the same thing...? It's official ask anyone to see your husbands dick day.
Walking into class right now and I swear to god I smoked down the substitute teacher we have at a party I went to last week
Well if you don't want to be kicked out before last call don't I would suggest stop drinking whiskey and don't call the giant bouncer with the neck tattoo "princess"
He said he didn't want to go down on me so I told him we were going to have an oral stalemate.
All I've had to eat today are potatoes...and by that I mean vodka and chips
i think if a sober person was watching us they would have not thought we were witty
& I came downstairs to find my whole family discussing the fact that I have a vibrator, which my mom found accidentally....
Straight boys are literally imbeciles. If Darwinism doesn’t get them female rage will.
Randomize
