Eating in charleston sc at a seafood place called "hymans". Like normal I had no problem finding it.
she just gave her compliments to the chief, at dennys
So instead of getting the if-you-hurt-my-little-girl-youre-dead talk, i got the alcohol-is-our-friend talk, i like her dad already
Um I just overheard that the new guy spent a month in jail. Obvi another great hire.
Remind me tomorrow to take that ball-gag out of my purse.
At the gym and this really hot trainer checked me out and was talking to his buddy about his workout. He then says "yeah man, like I'm doing so many reps- what's 7 times 7, 45?"
He was THIS close.
I stuck my fake eyelashes to his balls after he passed out.
He stole all of his parent's vodka WHILE they were in the room, and then opened the window and snuck out. I was watching from my truck
My penis needs a shock collar
these people use weed stems as birthday cake candles. I'm never coming home
I have bruises all over my legs. Did I hit a car with my bike last night?
She's officially a Tinder poltergeist.
Goddamn right, I may not survive the apocalypse, but my eyebrows fucking will.
I hear jingle bells and I can't tell if it's bc I'm feeling festive or just REALLY high
Dude whoeverrs house this is has only creeam cheese and beer in the fridge. Thats my kinda diet
Randomize
