i am NOT doing that with my feet, or any part of my body
I just bought Christian paraphenilia at Borders for my dad's bday. I had the urge to tell them it wasn't mine, like I was buying laxatives or a dildo
Hahahaha. You probably would have been more comfortable buying either of those than what you just bought
Apparently the guard had to repeat "you're too drunk to get in" three times before I understood. I guess he was right.
Pizza is the life boat of my drunk Titanic
I told you not to have sex with her on my futon
I didnt dude, i swear!
either that or you were eating mayo, which was the second thing i told you not to do on my futon
he slapped my stomach and proclaimed it a baby-free zone
Spent 200 bucks on a stripper for a good night hug. I give up.
Congrats on having the best tasting nipple at the bar last night.
I was to tired to jerk him off, so he made me hold it while he thrusted into my hand.
all my mom knows is what I put on facebook. So... I mean... She knows we drink a lot.
I let a drunk, gay man in a dragon costume motor-boat me. With his dragon head.
have you ever seen all dogs go to heaven this is important
If he doesn't fuck you on the 4th of July, he doesn't really love this country.
I do have a history of lying to Customs. I once convinced them I was an astronaut.
Dude. I just got a visual of u climbing over a bathroom stall to save my life.
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