my sister just canceled her nose job because she thought it would hurt too much
It'll hurt less than being alone
We got so high we made milksteak
My boss just gave me full permission to come into work wasted this weekend.
It was a new level of awkwardness and terror. The high schoolers you fuck in the summer should never introduce themselves to your mom and godmother
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Come, dress lightly, bring tequila...
i'm not sure when i reached "slam my own hand in the door" status but my half attached fingernail is not grateful.
Just had a random flashback of you tickling some guy's nipple with your claw ring, and then him moaning and stripping in the middle of the bar. You give good memories.
mind if i send you a dick pic? so you can see what she wasn't doing right?
She has an inverted nipple. She told to play with the normal one until the other one pops up.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
threw up on my 7.30 AM placement test. Never again
Sometimes I think I'm witty and funny, and then I realize it 3pm and I'm drunk
He probably thinks you're playing hard to get.
Hard to get?? I'm playing leave me the fuck alone.
we all thought you were asleep. he found you an hour later sitting outside in the snow lighting a bowl, singing the CatDog theme song, and hugging a box a Franzia.
And that was the night we had mind-blowing sex with the score from Raiders of the Lost Ark blaring on vinyl in the background...
His dick has the same name as my pipe. I'm keeping him forever.
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