My bed smells like naked
Haha. At least it doesn't smell like herpes
what has two thumbs and is going to bang you boss on monday?
of all the people in our graduating class, this is exactly who would get pregnant.
Im embracing the luau theme and maybe bringing a kiddie pool filled with alcohol. Im also embracing the high probability I will not remember this night.
I couldn't get past the raccoon on my porch so i slept on my lawn.
Just peed on my foot. Thank you Sunday hangovers.
Wednesday is my day of reflection and making my dick and balls into shapes. So i'll be pretty busy.
You were greeting everyone with " Hi I'm Jess show me your dick" whether they were dudes or not.
Mostly because I hate my job and a have a photogenic penis.
and then I drunkenly screamed, "you can ride that Uber all the way to revenge city!"
which was funny until I realized I paid for my enemy's cab to go fuck my ex
Remember Christopher who always sends me pictures of his penis? Look to your right, boy in the blue.
I'm going to have to include Angry Orchard in my thesis acknowledgements
...and if you can get the necessary ingredients to make the Buffalo Chicken Melt, I will latch forever at your Teat of Justice.
I am become drunk, destroyer of all worlds
I literally blew him under my face mask. Not because I thought it'd protect me from COVID, but because I wanted to prove to myself that I could.
Randomize
