he wanted me to dress up like someone from lord of the rings. I dumped him.
The most interesting things happen to you when your pants come down. I truly envy you.
just weighed my balls on my pocket scale. that high.
I just need you there to slap my dick when im flirting with her
You only ask me to come over when your gf is gone, and thats usually at midnight to cook chicken salad and watch you pass out
There were gay boys and a jukebox. It was like god wanted me to.
Im in the STD packet for new students this year. And im going to be plastered tonight so be forewarned
my hip hurts so fuckin bad. and I just found a half eaten burrito in my nightstand drawer.
just thought you should know it took me an hour and a half to make soup. I had to keep laying on my kitchen floor. being 21 is hard.
I totally just stopped for a booty call on the way to my parents for easter....good friday is an understatement
Just came so hard my back cracked. Other women are totally missing out if they don't masturbate.
See, this is why you don't do nice things for people. You'll get stuck in the snow and you won't catch a dick.
That was right around the time that the drunken mess pulled out his dick in front of myself and like 10 other people and started peeing all over the train platform while saying, "Sometimes a bear gets you brother. Sometimes a bear gets you."
Pretty standard Thursday night commute for you, no?
She took me to ER. She says thought it was a squirtgun filled with vodka and she was 'marking me for later.' Thank god it's a flesh wound, and we're cool and going to date.
gtg, the cops are here
The cat ate a weed mint. This is not a drill
Randomize
