Then they all walked away with the drinks I bought them, and the fat one slapped me in the face. I left and my car had been towed. Worst night ever.
you wanted the guy to gift wrap the condoms
There was a lot going on. It was easy to miss a 70 foot tall puppet.
Like some sort of pot growing robin hood.
I refrained from asking a guy what he spilled on his dick because it smelled good. Morals.
It's called being normal.
I want him for more than banging and buying me potato salad. Is this what love feels like?
I guess the wine stains on your shirt and the $2 vodka tonics you're sweating out just scream, "Welcome to DC, please ask me for directions."
FYI the blow job was for papa johns pizza
I regret 8000% nothing
It's Valentine's Day, I figure for sure we'll have sex today, right? Wrong. I tried unsuccessfully for like an hour to get him to fuck me. Now he's asleep and I'm on my way to join the public library.
You can't be mad... I'm letting you jerk off in my parents shower
MUFFINS DON'T MAKE YOU ORGASM MULTIPLE TIMES OR HAVE ROCK HARD MUSCLES.
Chicks dig it when you smell like bong water and frebreeze.
Ewe he just snapped me a pic of his butt crack.. Should I be concerned?
I'm gonna invite every single tinder date I've had to my birthday. Let them fight, battle Royale style. The winner gets to fuck me. \n\nBest. Birthday. Ever
She’s either doing coke or thinks my cock has the Covid vaccine. Either way I haven’t worn clothes in 3 days
Randomize
