Did I tell you he has dinosaur sheets?
So Ive decided I have serious issues. Im walking around the school with a bag labeled booze money collecting from people while slightly hungover at 8:20 in the morning, and nobody is questioning me.
my family just sang happy birthday to baby jesus. no ones even drunk yet
My parents foreign exchange student just walked in on me whacking off. Welcome to America :)
Church boner. Awkwardddd
I woke up with a Nike swoosh shaved into my chest hair. my friend got 3 stitches. my phone had a text that simply read "fuck you". I say it was a good party.
Ok lesson learned. Don't lick the spoon when making mushroom chocolates. The kitchen walls are melting.
I think god is proud of me so he is rewarding me in discounted wine
Sry I came all over your dress. Think of it as a Vegas souvenir.
Oh, and I'm only keeping her around till spring. Doing the hunt for cunt is too tough in 12" of snow.
The weed is temporarily burning the grammar section of my brain library.
he appreciated my fucking vagina for two hours he can appreciate my honesty
A party without a piñata is not a party I want to attend.
THERES A BEAVER CHASING ME, ANGRY BEAVERS IS FUCKING REAL DUDE
Don’t eat the Doritos. Jeff was eating them while he was watching porn
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