yeah. you were just sitting there watching transformers, caressing your toaster.
i ran around the party telling everyone that my favorite sexual position was also the only position that made me queef...i kept calling it the "double edged sword"
I don't think I have ever puked up that much free breakfast in my life...thank god for Nickle Beers.
Just threw up in my seat during the national anthem. Probably not good.
I feel like god wrote up a contract of my life, and i just signed off on that shit without reading the fine print.
I'm lying topless with an eye infection at the foot of my bed with a dog between my legs. With disney in the background. Its one of those 3 am moments
Dude, you left ME alone in your house. With your fully-stocked wine cellar. Why would you do that to yourself?
WHAT IS PROPER BONG ETIQUETTE FOR WHEN YOU'RE ALONE IN YOUR BATHTUB AND CRYING?
Jenna, I'm going to use all my homosexual powers to steal him from you
Austin, I will climb on top of your shoulders and slowly suffocate you with my vagina
jut tell him gently that you'd rather spend more time with his dick than his face
I'm like going proud parent over you doing drugs, this is so wrong.
Can you send me the pictures of me riding the penis
I can't believe we really went to walgreens to use their cork opener, bounced and drank a bottle of wine in a sketchy corner...
I HAVE A FLAME THROWER. COME SEE IT. IT’S SAFE AND WORKS.
now acid just makes me think of crab ragoon
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