I'm at the grocery store buying monistat and corn nuts. thank god for self check out.
so it turns out, not only do the doormen judge the girls I bring home, but they rate them.
I wish you could be here to assess my herpes before he gets here.
CAN I EVER JUST MAKE OUT EITH SOMEONE AND NOT GET FRIEND REQUESTED BY THEM THE NEXT DAY.
I had so much stripper lotion and body glitter on my glasses I had a hard time driving home.
I bought us both waterproof cases so we can sext through FaceTime in the shower.
Next. Level. Shit.
Woke up behind one of the fraternity brothers houses in the grass wearing a guinness hat and aviators hugging a 30 rack box with a zonie on my chest next to a campfire.
I threw up in a pringles can. how do you think my night went.
Oh you know, the usual. We had a good date, I took her back home, she took off my pants, laughed, and left.
If I walk downstairs and Kelly is fucking in the laundry room again I'm gonna die
I woke up with the gnarliest cold/hangover combo
Thats what u get when u have butt ass naked rooftop sex at night in december
Worth it.
Which emoticons convey sympathy for sleeping with someones bf ??
I just realized, you're dating a guy named Jameson. That is another level of whiskey dick.
If you had a good reason for throwing the toaster at the wall, now's a good time to tell someone. My parents are on their way back and you know my dad and his pop tarts.
i just turned on my printer and found 10 pounds of german chocolate inside. i think i found where you hid your candy last night
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