You know, I didn't realize this at the time, but it appears that I am being "heavily petted" by 3 grown men in that pic.
If these were biblical times then you'd be a Roman Senator.
Spent $1500 on bottle service and have a lump on my head from hitting the nightstand while puking. Excess? Nooo Success.
Just got kicked in the balls by a girl in tap shoes. Fuck EVERYTHING
so my phone autocorrects 'retard' to 'retaaahd'. i LOVE being a masshole!
i used baking grease as lip gloss
I just fucked a rockette. This would have been amazing a week ago.
no. 1 rule of bromania: no females
YOU SUCK AT REPLYING IM IRRESPOSNIBLY DRUNK WHAT THE FUCK ARE YOU DOING WITH YOU LIFE. celebrate the magicness with me.
She saves ONE person's life while blacked out and now she's positive anything can be done "while fucking hammered"
I feel that shower jager is exactly what this man needs after last night.
You're a disgrace to gay men everywhere.
We can Fuck in the shower to save time
And this is why I like you. You're so damn innovative.
There is a car windscreen wiper in my handbag... Not my car's, not ok.
He's balder, I'm skinnier. I win. I. Win.
Once you find out someone has a small dick, you never look at them the same again.
Ive realized that in order for me to understand math, my professor has to be hot.
Randomize
