i'm trying to reconcile what i did last night with who i am as a person.
WHO ATE OUR COOKIES WHAT THE FUCK THOSE WERE GOURMET
It doesn't matter if I tell the story beginning to end or end to beginning, the story still starts with a random girl blowing me in the bathroom.
He came on my face. Threw a towel at me. Stole my weed. And left. I thought this would be over after we graduated?
Cookies. Watch out fir falling satellites.
It's 2:30 on a Friday afternoon. It's snowing and must be about 20 degrees outside. I'm sitting in this class with 300 people using up every ounce of energy and willpower not to puke all over the girl in front of me. This has got to stop.
I wouldn't blame my organs if they just decided to quit working after this weekend
WHO THE FUCK PEED IN MY BONG
I'm in the line at Chipotle thinking: "What combo will best prepare my body for the open bar I'm going to subject it to tonight?"
You were more fun when you didn't have morals.
I don't know which is worse, the fact that his name is Kevin or the fact that he has a pornstache.
I am coming home with the worst sun burn of my life, two unused condoms, and an unworn slutty dress. Worst. Bachelorette. Party. Ever.
Why is everyone giving me a hard time for drinking?!
Your in the library.
The text I got from my boyfriend this morning: "babe, I'm not mad because I know you were drunk, but you kissed 3 guys last night and I wasn't one of them".
You just sent a mass text asking if anyone ever drank the blood of a goat in the glorious name of Satan...after that we confiscated any writing utensil
Randomize
