Cops are here now. U need to come back. Ur not under arrest. But u need to apologize to the woman for what you did to her cat.
I just saw Sharon Stone's cootch in high def. I think I'll stay gay.
I swear to God, I saw my life flash between my legs.
dude i dnt kno how, but i think theres a tampon in my butt
After you pregamed and were plastered you saw the cop was parked illegally so you gave him a citizens arrest
ATMs should seriously have built in breathalysers, I would save so much money.
Given my current decline of critical thinking and capacity for speech it's probably best u call the cops
I'm promoting my liver to CEO of my body cause it clearly works harder than anything else.
He set two of my ex boyfriends on fire at two different bars without anyone knowing it was him or how it happened either time. He might be a fucking super hero
I mean, they were small fires and no one got hurt, but still. Awesome.
What, I can't laugh at my sister being driven crazy by Facebook randomly assigning chat significance to the guy she lost her virginity to?
I asked him if we were going to get arrested for doing it in the bar parking lot. "Absolutly not" said the guy getting the blow job...
So if he doesn't show up do we eat his birthday cake? Because I'm stoned and wrestling is on. What's the proper protocol
I had to dust off the condom box before she came over..
Whatever douche. I sucked the dick that made you. I. Win.
QUIT BEING A BITCH, DRINK SOME PEPTO, AND PUKE ON OUR FOES
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