Spring semester is just not the same w/o you
her dad's the mattress king, she's genetically engineered to be good in bed
I cant remeber how long i've been laying here...it could be 10 minutes to a fucking day
you're dressed like that and you're on the rag, that's false advertisment
I just found a beer bottle in my xmas tree while disassembling it. God, I'm going to miss the holidays.
I dont care if he cant spell. Illiterate people need blowjobs too
What's up with the fire hydrant in the laundry room?
We crashed a rave, threw glitter all over Gay Dan and the bartender, broke a chandelier and called ourselves the Kings of Neon.
Can't a white girl just get drunk on a Sunday night and eat rice crispy treats. SHIT
If you come home and I'm pantsless with cake smeared all over my face, I'm sorry.
The uberlube is also flammable
Nothing kills the mood like him going to slap my ass and he hits his balls at the same time
He played me Kanye.. Speaking my love language.. He got a well deserved BJ
I hope no one at work can tell or smell that I have tequila in my hair and I haven't showered for days
Instead of.being an intelligent and mature adult and dealing with my feelings I chose to get hammered and fuck flounder
Eh it happens
Randomize
