Ugh I have so many sins to confess tmw at church, you just made me think of many more I've made on that street alone
sorry if i was weird last night, had weird deja vu that we had done that before, i mean with the peanut butter.
we had.
well that explains the rash. i dont think i should see you again.
Soo i just shotgunned a water balloon...
I'll write directions out on a napkin and slip it to him. Then say P.S. The UTI is gone.... that's not creepy at all right?
You finger a girl once and she thinks she loves you. I'm going back to boys. Lesbians are needy.
The doctor put me on 3000 mg of amoxicillin a day. Which, for a sinus infection, seems pretty excessive to me.
Maybe he was just trying to knock out any potential ghonorrhea you might be carrying around.
Ah, my reputation precedes me.
It was literally the size of a half eaten tic tac.
My grandma put hard boiled eggs on her lasagna. I'm not high enough for this.
Fell off bed. Face first. 10 stitches. huge scar on forehead. totally going to start telling ppl my parents died fighting Voldemort.
High enough to fry lime slices.....tasted like shit, by the way
I'm going to get pregnant and die... Mean Girls warned me about this but I didn't listen
Someone downtown drunkenly stole the antenna off of her car... while she was driving.
Im having a st. Get way fucked till i speak Irish pre game party. Bring a compass cause we are about to get lost
it's like i'm your dad, but instead of reminding you to bring your lunch to school i remind you to take a good long hit from your bong.
you've already made the comitment to pee in public you should at least whip your dick out
Randomize
