bio was interesting today. swabbed my mouth to see what the cells where, ha. found a sperm cell. he was just that awesome
how many times in life can you be kicked out of a pizza buffet for vomiting on the food and insulting small children
The douche that always wears spandex at the gym just walked into class with a dick going into his mouth drawn on his face. The professor said "rough night" and he still has no idea. Tyring to get a pic
The trainer from the tech college told me that I would pass the first aid course so long as I turned up sober. Challenge accepted
He literally chugged a bottle of wine in under 2 minutes. Stood up, said "fuck what ya heard" and stabbed the bottle into their drywall.
I'LL COME GET YOU. GOTTA FIND A SUIT THAT COVERS TIT BRUISES FIRST.
Im like a hedgehog. Easy to corner or get within reach, but tough to get right close to. Like a rooster with its feathers surgically replaced with razors
Muscle is literally tearing itself off of my shins. No I am not going on another bar crawl with you.
I'll pay?
Pick me up at 9.
I have just found the cubicle of sustenance. And I will rejoice at all the families that have not found this magic. This vodka cubicle of magic.
Anddon't worry about me I have my Darth Vader flashlight
I had to ask him for a dick pic. Do you know how refreshing that was?
Hey, if a dude can't randomly belt out Whitney Houston tunes from time to time, is life really worth living??
Can u pick me up? Lost my keys.
Sure. FYI- you "lost" them on the roof, trying to throw them over the house.
Let's just grow old together and be the crazy ladies that sit on the park bench, drinking booze from flasks and loudly talk about people who walk by.
I just puked on the sidewalk. At 11am. Thought you'd like to know.
Just found out I lit my hair on fire last night.
Randomize
