im never drinking mad dog again and i have your belt.
Oral text is very safe with the right protection.
you were crying because peter frampton wasnt your dad
So the bartender just told me that there was numerous people who saw me having sex on the rooftop last weekend. +1
They don't exactly give out small business loans to start-up dealers
Trying to guess which perfume the stripper was wearing based on my bf's clothes
The bartender just told me he would have me face down in his pillow by the end of the night. I hate when you make me go to gay clubs.
I will not fuck this loser. I will not fuck this loser. I will not fuck this loser.
He just showed me how to break a chop stick with his ass.
Tonight, a friend walked in and said "oh look at that. Drunk on the living room floor. Just as expected." this is my life. This is my life.
We shot off some fireworks at 12 and then I orchestrated the group singing of god bless the USA all while wearing a don't tread on me flag as a cape. I repped hard.
If we order a pizza and I contribute 9 cents, is that fair?
Hypothetically speaking how does one remove a lamp that they hypothetically superglued to the ceiling?
Acetone nail polish remover, and you lied about studying last night didn't you?
Oh definitely.
A condom was pulled out of your vagina by a doctor today I do not think you can pull off "closet" hoe anymore
Well when I woke up this morning I didn’t think I’d be masturbating to my own LinkedIn profile today but here we are
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