gotta love it when a reminder comes up on your phone and u think u forgot about a meeting or something then u read it and its only to remind me to go to the titty bar at 3
I am the drunkest girl in the tree.
i think it would be like really awesome if scientist could genetically engineer manatees to be like the size of goldfish so i could have one in my fishbowl and be like FUCK YEAH TINY MANATEE
I just noticed that my shirt smells like coffee after eating out a Barista
Welp, she's chewing our paper towels again. She's like an obnoxiously hot puppy
no, i'm currently making the trek across campus to get all my stuff from last night. My ID is in one guys bed, and my camera in another guy's bed.
Oh god the guy I took underwear from at the bar is trying to add me as a friend on facebook now.
It's fine...I've done worse things to better people.
You kept saying you we're gonna puke and wanted to steal my pants
That does not explain the remnants of a small fire in my bathtub.
If the world ends now I want you to know I was on my favorite toilet fighting the good fight.
Why did I wake up with condoms on all my fingers?
Considering the girl you hooked up with, I'd be concerned about not having one on your penis.
He got me a cake that said " Congratulations on the dick "
I just want to have sex that doesn't end like a B-rated horror movie.
my hair smells like a mixture of fireworks and rotten eggs with a hint of shame. it's so strong it's keeping me awake.
I got kicked out of the E.R. for saying "balls".
Randomize
