I could have mohawked her pubes.
I though she ruined it by crying, then I realized it wasn’t a tear, it was my great aim. It turned out to be beautiful.
Youll never guess who has to go to fucking planned parenthood because trojan cant make a fucking condom
Sunscreen. In my vag. I hate summer sex.
this is probably the only time in my life that i would want to fuck thomas jefferson
I am a terrible person. This is almost as bad as when I was going to see my ex while my boyfriend was at that funeral.
This is part your fault too. Don't tell me your dishes are unbreakable and not expect me to prove you wrong.
i should do something illegal before my birthday. as of thursday im old enough to go to jail.
take 2 Ambien then drink a Red Bull and watch Alice in Wonderland. Trust me.
Idk. Last year there was an ice luge, glow in the dark jungle juice, and lots of naked people. I feel like I'll get pregnant just thinking about going to that party.
I have my vibrator between my thighs and I'm listening to high school musical. That kind of high. We're all in this together.
You ever fart so hard while you are asleep that you wake up screaming?
I was gonna start crying but as he was asking me for my info i saw him eyeing my rack. So I sorta started pushing them together. He asked me to get out of the car he made me turn around so he could check me out and then he said and I quote "okay ma'am. Everything is fine, I'm going to let you off with a warning. Next time if you're not wearing yoga pants you might not be as lucky" I am blessed.
Vodka and cigarettes aside, my body is a temple.
the twins are trying to figure out which one is the one doing body shots off a janitor in this picture
Randomize
