Dude, this chick just tossed my salad hard. All that I could picture was a dog trying to get the last of the peanut butter out of the jar of Jiff and trying not to think of how grotesque my last dump was.
Then she tried to kiss me and I wouldn't and she got pissed off and went to sleep. Then about an hour later, her kid called her. She went home and on the way out I told her to wash her mouth before she kissed her kid good night. Weird night..
I thought all girls wanted is to get a boner
you want to re-phrase that?
No. I was horrified and confused as to why you thought scrambled eggs and cottage cheese was a good mix
getting your period on valentines day is like an extra little fuck you, now you REALLY have no chance of sex tonight.
Since when does a beard not count as proof of age at the liquor store?
He tricked me...the first song on his sex mix was trey songz but the rest were techno....i can't walk straight now
i have one question about last night
if this is about your fridge being filled with hotdogs, sour cream, and PB&J open-faced sandwiches, i can explain
We invented "Diesel Bombs." They're supposed to be a bomb, but they come in a 20+ oz. glass and have a blackout record of 6 wins and 0 losses. Undoubtedly going to be the next Muhammed Ali of the drinking world.
I know you think I'm being paranoid, but can you please make sure Danny doesn't rub my wedding invitation on his balls?
He won't let me go to the bars unless I can manage to get flip flops on.
Sounds like he's doing this for your own good...
spending my first valentines day single in 3 years blazed and eating heart shaped brownies i bought myself. WHO NEEDS A MAN.
Just tried to dig out holes in my mattress for my boobs so I could be comfortable lying down on my stomach
The problem with having a roommate is that you are forced to answer the age old question "Are you okay?"
Would it be crossing a line if I told him that I now know his girlfriend has a huge mole on her left ass cheek?
Gotta love college... Pregamed for my 8:30 flight home this morning and gave the flight attendants all high fives when I got on the plane. Best ride of my life.
Randomize
