I never noticed this but I have a beauty mark on my labia minora
Please tell me how you discovered this.
I was looking in the mirror snooping around
I'm not conventionally pretty...I'm just crazy
i was just singing like a virgin out loud my mom told me to stop kidding myself
I fucked him in a hamburger. literally. he has a hamburger bed.
all i asked was if it was all the way in, and now im laying here alone. sensitive guys fucking suck
I just spent the last 30 mins playing uplifting songs to my uterus, & there's no way I'm pregnant.
Last time we were that stoned we made a "everything you can fit in the blender" shake. Didn't end well..
So I found "Fat chicks in saran wrap" in my search history.
That's all you talk about when you are wasted.
its before 9am and ive already had to dip my dick and balls in a glass of milk. probably isnt a good sign for how today is going to go.
I feel like I should have backed off when "I love you" came out on the third date. Now I'm in her bed wondering which door my shrine is behind. Fuck.
He peed off the roof and then we bonded it was beautiful
You were so high that you only FaceTimed me so that you could stare into your own eyes and not actually say anything
Over Bumbled last night. I think I set my dog up on a date Sunday afternoon. I have to drive him, meet the other dog’s dad and secretly drink a bottle of champagne from a “water bottle”. This is not what I expected 30 to be like.
He was a Cher impersonator. They are the draggest of queens
are you still alive?
no.
i'll cry at your funeral. and leave a burrito by your tombstone
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