You should see what I'm doing to your stuffed animals
is it really weird I just got "suckable tits" in my honesty box and I'm flattered??
I bought a nasal spray, my nose needs to be in order by the weekend
Just registered some guy for opium withdrawals. WTF opium withdrawals, who does opium anymore.
I saw a girl walking around campus with bandages on both her knees. I need to get her number.
nyquil sex gave me 6 orgasms so I support that
I need to stop having one night stands with guys in my building so I can have someone to borrow milk from without it being awkward
It's 4PM and I'm finally awake.. I'm covered in dog fur and shame. I'd say it counts as a good night.
Just so you know, if you are not feeling well today it's cause you drank a gatorade bottle full of highlighter fluid.
So i think i'm going to frame my summons tickets and give them to dad as a christmas present...
Oh no. Not her. Her personality clashes with mine in ways that would make me wanna beat myself with a stick.
I'm moving out of my place and I just gave my mom a couch that I had sex on last night. Reduce, reuse, recycle at its best.
i showed up really high and was trying to not be,so in order to not seem high, i got plastered
How ironic... opening your legs for closure.
I got paid to fuck my boss for lunch. My job is better than yours.
Randomize
