I just ate 10 fun sized 3 musakteers.. I'm pretty sure I'm about to start my period.
Talk to you next week
You screamed, "I am going to fuck this cheeseburger". They all started laughing until you actually started having sex with the cheeseburger.
Is it 'vaginas' or 'vaginae?'. Either way there were a shit ton of them.
I've decided to only have meaningless sex from now on.
And what brought this epiphany?
I've decided it's a lot easier to have dirty amazing sex with someone when you don't care about the other person or what they think of you. I'm going to test this theory soon. Will update you later
I admire the strength of friendship we have that allows for sharing husbands.
Dude I totally just watched a girl put a tampon soaked in vodka up her vag
I need new friends
Two people in the coffee shop I'm at are on a date and talking about how acid has affected them and the girl just mentioned meth. Fuck studying, this just got interesting.
I just had to blow my nose on a mcdonalds receipt in my car. Its time to stop doing coke.
I left him a voicemail saying i went through with the abortion and he texts me back one thing... the bbm "phew" face. really?
The engagement ring savings account is now the strippers and gin savings account. What are you doing tonight?
I DONT UNDERSTAND NIPPLES. THEY JUST POP OUT FOR NO REASON
Well somebody's had a rough day, nipple-wise
Get his dick out of your ass and put on some pants we're here
I am serious when I say I think I broke a rib having sex with Kyle. It might be puncturing my lung. No lie. I might die today.
Got out of the uber to projectile vomit in the McDonald's drive thru. Gonna take a break from the Cuervo for a while.
That is our entire relationship. We match bowls and give each other head. What more could you possibly want?
Randomize
