My hair reeks of homosexuality.
Nothings more american than taking a shit with a handgun next to you.
god please explain to me why there's blood underneath my fingernails AND toenails?!?!
Dude To be completely honest I don't think you want me to.
Thanks for making me watch you dance provacatively by yourself in the bathroom so you could see if you looked fat.
the caf people were giving us weird looks and she yelled ITS A LIFE STYLE
she's like the billy mays of hookups...touch my boobs and i'll throw in this blow job ABSOLUTELY FREE
I ordered a VEGAN pizza, because it gets here the fastest, just so I could get a 2 litre of Coke. For my whiskey.
Besides the one of you shaking your cock for 10sec that was one of the best snapchat's ever haha
He sat next to me, put his arm around me, yelled at his girlfriend that he was breaking up with her, and told me I'm his little pet for the night.
So do you know how we found out he was engaged?
An Amber Alert?
That's a lot of judgement coming from a man wearing a dress made from a bedsheet.
We need to leave a grand offering for the god of free booze and salvia.
Stop recording sex noises and setting them as my ringtones. This time it was at a funeral
A drag queen just ate a dollar out of my ass. I don't know which one of us has hit rock bottom
Nobody cheats on THIS.
Randomize
