im sitting in my room wearing my power rangers shirt watching a movie about a magical dragon. Ive totally forgotten what having a sex life is like.
Literally just stood in the shower and forgot what to do. that hungover.
You couldn't find any paper towel to clean up the wine you spilled, so you tried to use her cat.
ooh i remember now. Not very absorbent.
Handjob with gloves on results in friction burn. In case you've ever wondered
Its really bad when you fall asleep at a stop light outside the hotel and you wake up to a small spanish limo driver knocking on your window to tell you it's a green light
Oh my god please beg your father to turn the car around so you can possibly get laid by a knight at medieval times.
just puked a little into my hand/sleeve. way too hungover for the first day of class
I swear 95% of pictures on my phone are from drunken nights I don't remember with me doing a peace sign alone in somebody's bedroom.
I just wanted to let u know that I called the taco people and informed them what the fuck is up.
I have to take a quiz before midnight. Trying to decided if its a better idea to take it now when I'm stoned or later when I'm drunk.
Jesus fuck that was emotional whiplash
I pretty much just wake up, masturbate at least twice, and go to the beach. #Unemployed. I do look for jobs in between all that tho.
One minute we're singing Wagon Wheel, and the next you're belly dancing in a trash bag on the beer pong table
This pandemic, it’s making everyone horny. I’ve got dick stashed all over town
It’s a 10 inch dick! Of course I’m getting a Brazilian
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