tailgaiting my last final, a perfect sendoff.
Our kitchen sink faucet is leaking, so I set a pitcher under it to catch water for Kool-Aid tomorrow rather than turn on the faucet. The environment owes me.
i think that dennys waitress has my boxers
$5 off purchases of eighths or more today only. Happy tax-free weekend. -Your consumer-minded pot dealer
i don't care if its just a preseason game, my pick up a guy and suck him off in the bathroom skills are in midseason form
There is a nerf war going on here. I just cleaned the blood out of the fridge
So your best guy friend eats your pussy once and a while, no big deal. It's like going to jiffy lube once and a while to let the professionals do it. Your husband should understand .
Please don't mistake my med student status for responsibility. I'm drinking tequila while studying vascular surgery techniques.
I like using largw condoms because they are more comfortable but also I feel bad because it's like false advertisement
Mmhmmm. I have a list of drunk achievement that is almost as long as my list of stoned achievements
Dude, I came home and you were passed out halfway through the front door in your Minnie Mouse outfit... with a beer still in hand
He was asleep with his head on a windowsill and you were petting his head, then you almost left the kitchen and then went back to pet him some more.
Did this whole conversation happen while you were shitting?
Eh, my puke tasted like lemonade, so not too bad
We're going through the drive-through at mcdonalds while pulling sam behind us in the wheelchair and having them hand him the food. Let me know how this went in the morning
Randomize
