fuck, i never want to drink again I drunk dialed matt last night and broke up with him the second night in a row. FUCK QUADFEST
I just sneezed and had an orgasam..THAT turned on
I got a job at a micro-brewery. Now who made the bigger mistake, them or me?
My summer fucks are coming back to haunt me with a vengeance.
I'd rather just be alone, than deal with this bullshit. I just want to be alone. Cats and vibrators never let you down.
My new year's resolution was to squirt this year. I only have four months left. Help.
You yelled "I gave my neighbor some of my bitch sauce" and then passed out. You now have drinking limits with us.
Why yes. I did get laid looking like that. My sheets look like there was a clown orgy
The last time I went to Vegas and the sun started to rise, my copilot went home with her nipples pierced.
If my bootycall doesn't bring over a Baconnator, I swear to fucking God, I'm not letting him in. The hunger is that real. Forget his Persian dick.
He made a toga out of my hot pink bed sheets and cracked an egg on his head. Then he proceeded to alphabetize our DVD collection, which was impressive because I'm 99% sure he couldn't have done that sober.
I dont understand why so many people are content staying in and avoiding alcohol and sex
Omg I got up from his bed and almost did a header into the wall because I came so many times I forgot how to walk.
What's a sexy way to say balls deep???
I mean his penis was perfect in pictures but its even more perfect inside me
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