had no condoms so I just made do with an empty doritos bag.
you made wolf sounds and yelled "team me" the entire movie
Yeah, well I just made $600 while taking a shut cause two diff clients called while I was in here. Tell me being a lawyer doesn't kick ass.
Swear to god, if I have to wingman for you on my honeymoon I'm gonna be pissed
10+ Incredible Tumblr Stories That Will Leave You Shook
My neighbors are outside blasting Hootie and the Blowfish while drunkenly hitting a stump with a hammer. I could get used to this.
I believe I convinced two girls to makeout for freedom last night Hahaha
Bjs on a first date are the gateway to getting to know someone for who they really are.
Seriously, you can't give someone's wife an orgasm on the dance floor of a gay nightclub and then hang out with her husband the following week
Do to my newly discovered condition I'm having to resort to emergency beat sessions to avoid the temptation to text girls I know are easy slams.
16 People Who Have Raised The Bar For Petty Revenge
No. I either had a 6 minute orgasm or I had so many I lost count. I'm still not sure.
Idk maybe I'll talk to him once he gets out of jail just to yell at him and get my strawberry ice cream back.
Ok, not to minimize the significance of that beautiful anecdote from your childhood, but here's a video of my penis.
dont you DARE use my tequila influenced words against me
Whoever said it shouldn't take a man to make you happy clearly wasn't having sex everyday.
No, I barely made it home last nite. Kept telling cab driver I live across the street from Susan Sarandon?? Thank god her coop addy is posted online.