Texts From Last Night

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  (813): View more from Florida

  Tell me I did not drive one hour for whiskey dick.

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  (813): Tell me I did not drive one hour for whiskey dick. http://tfl.nu/9lls
  Replies (8) Good night (614) Bad night (1619)
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  (919): View more from North Carolina

  There's a girl here with sideburns. I gave her your number, you can thank me later.

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  (919): There's a girl here with sideburns. I gave her your number, you can thank me later. http://tfl.nu/ou2j
  Replies (28) Good night (1337) Bad night (2987)
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  (815): View more from Illinois

  Your brother just successfully got half the bar mostly naked

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  (815): Your brother just successfully got half the bar mostly naked http://tfl.nu/ct4t
  Replies (23) Good night (14174) Bad night (816)
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  (812): View more from Indiana

  At least he could have found a MILF, she's a dbl bagger. No wonder he goes to counseling.

  (1-812): View more from Indiana

  Yeah..you can't spell Prozac without Zac(h).

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  (812): At least he could have found a MILF, she's a dbl bagger. No wonder he goes to counseling. (1-812): Yeah..you can't spell Prozac without Zac(h). http://tfl.nu/pr6e
  Replies (23) Good night (926) Bad night (2827)
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  (201): View more from New Jersey

  there were like 150 questions AFTER the application. you'd think for a store that has dick molding kits it'd be a joke

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  (201): there were like 150 questions AFTER the application. you'd think for a store that has dick molding kits it'd be a joke http://tfl.nu/pyjl
  Replies (15) Good night (3191) Bad night (1233)
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  (203): View more from Connecticut

  we need to start a braincell conservation fund for you, sort of like save the whales or something.

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  (203): we need to start a braincell conservation fund for you, sort of like save the whales or something. http://tfl.nu/yca0
  Replies (3) Good night (2962) Bad night (880)
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  (317): View more from Indiana

  On the bright side I still get a $20 referral bonus at the plasma center even though he passed out during donation because he was so high.

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  (317): On the bright side I still get a $20 referral bonus at the plasma center even though he passed out during donation because he was so high. http://tfl.nu/5g1g
  Replies (3) Good night (2447) Bad night (976)
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  (717): View more from Pennsylvania

  And with me just getting pulled over and you maxing your card out on tennis balls I don't know if we can afford it

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  (717): And with me just getting pulled over and you maxing your card out on tennis balls I don't know if we can afford it http://tfl.nu/tlm9
  Replies (2) Good night (1512) Bad night (1099)
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  (715): View more from Wisconsin

  she was stripping to whiskey lullaby. most depressed boner.

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  (715): she was stripping to whiskey lullaby. most depressed boner. http://tfl.nu/8r7t
  Replies (14) Good night (1187) Bad night (2826)
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  (714): View more from California

  The carpet cleaning people refuse to steam clean human feces. I'll call back later and blame it on the dog not you

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  (714): The carpet cleaning people refuse to steam clean human feces. I'll call back later and blame it on the dog not you http://tfl.nu/axuo
  Replies (3) Good night (1096) Bad night (2108)
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  (630): View more from Illinois

  As i looked at his penis, it stared back into my soul. No more drinking games.

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  (630): As i looked at his penis, it stared back into my soul. No more drinking games. http://tfl.nu/gy2l
  Replies (7) Good night (1927) Bad night (978)
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  (315): View more from New York

  It doesn't matter how many beers you've had, it's unacceptable to piss in someone's helmet after a playoff win.

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  (315): It doesn't matter how many beers you've had, it's unacceptable to piss in someone's helmet after a playoff win. http://tfl.nu/m4nr
  Replies (2) Good night (411) Bad night (837)
• Favorite

  (812): View more from Indiana

  Do you know how to get blood out of tile grout?

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  (812): Do you know how to get blood out of tile grout? http://tfl.nu/r4f3
  Replies (9) Good night (433) Bad night (767)
• Favorite

  (202): View more from Washington, DC

  Please don't make me ever have to hear the words "the Queen's gynecologist" ever again.

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  (202): Please don't make me ever have to hear the words "the Queen's gynecologist" ever again. http://tfl.nu/fpwo
  Replies (0) Good night (416) Bad night (423)
• Favorite

  (+61): View more from Australia

  Best walk of shame ever. Wearing a bright purple onesie, covered in smudged childrens make up, carrying my shoes and 1/4 sac of goon. I swear every house I walked past had an elderly couple watering their garden just to watch me

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  (+61): Best walk of shame ever. Wearing a bright purple onesie, covered in smudged childrens make up, carrying my shoes and 1/4 sac of goon. I swear every house I walked past had an elderly couple watering their garden just to watch me http://tfl.nu/fiyb
  Replies (4) Good night (639) Bad night (290)

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