Dude love is like an itch. You fuckin scratch it, then it itches more, then you scratch it and it itches more, and before you know it, there is semen everywhere.
you are insane
Moved my bed either I'm a whore or every guy I have ever slept with hid condom wrappers under my bed
it's one of those mornings where you are proud of yourself just for waking up.
can your parents tell?
i just had a cookie in one hand and a phone in the other and tried to eat my phone...they know
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U shoulda just taken her to a stall and banged her and let me watch the game. Some friend u r.
How many ice cream sandwiches is an acceptable meal replacement?
When the cops came you just told them you'd go to your time out corner.
I feel like I've been drunk all of June. And I am in NO WAY ashamed about it.
Oh my gosh they are following me around the bar
Blow your rape whistle
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Yes. Yes. Double yes. I'll bring the tits. You bring the frosting.
You can't possibly imagine how much I miss you. At least I'll always have that hidden folder in my computer.
I can feel my ovaries exploding thinking about them.
You sternly pointed at him and declared that you would ride his cock until the early dawn.
Then, you ate a turkey sub, went into his room
I bought new panties to console myself ... you know, because I am going to lose my ovaries. Well, if I don't die of a heart attack first. But at least when the EMS folks find me, I'll be finely dressed from the waist down.
My goal in life is to ruin sex for someone. To be so mindblowingly unreal that they can never find anyone like me ever again. So far it's going well.