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• (810): View more from Michigan

  nothing tight i'm going to stuff myself with food and alchy

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• (530): View more from California

  shit pants at work. discarded underwear.

  (1-530): View more from California

  just showed this text to the guy at west elm. luckily we did not stool ourselves in the midst of the ensuing hilarity. so you're commando now?

  (530): View more from California

  yep! most awkward part is that i was a few feet away from a client, talking and looking him in the eye. i've never stooled while looking someone directly in the eye.

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• (587): View more from Alberta

  His uber religious wife caught us having anal sex in their bed..... she called us sodomites. Can you even be a sodomite if you're a girl?

  (780): View more from Alberta, CA

  You're not a sodomite. You're a whore. Tell her to get the insults right. Did she try to save you with Jesus?

  (587): View more from Alberta

  She said she'd pray for me. Man, if I had just caught my husband balls deep in some ho, I'd say fuck the praying and kick her ass.

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• (515): View more from Iowa

  John Mayer's mother should have swallowed him when she had the chance.

  (1-515): View more from Iowa

  As in blowjob or cannibalism?

  (515): View more from Iowa

  I was thinking blowjob, but either would've been a better idea than giving him a record deal.

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  21 Of The Most Impressive Things Ever Seen In Porn

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• (206): View more from Washington

  I just wanna buy a tempur-pedic so i can drink in bed and not spill

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• (413): View more from Massachusetts

  then he pulled down his pants, and i just stared for about a minute..... i was so confused. i didnt know my cat could have a bigger penis than an 18 year old man.

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• (816): View more from Missouri

  I should take him calling me "a freak of nature" after sex as a compliment, right??

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• (716): View more from New York

  He walked in, tore open the drawer, pulled out a condom, and slammed it shut. He was that ready.

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• (405): View more from Oklahoma

  I'm confused about why you felt the need to ask me to buy you life alert for christmas at 3:28 this morning.

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  19 Parents Had Epic Reactions When Catching Their Kids Being “Bad”

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• (815): View more from Illinois

  u got into a flexing contest with a dude in bathroom in the mirror at the club

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• (718): View more from New York

  My life now consists of 2 time frames. BV before vibrator and AD after death of my sex life.

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• (803): View more from South Carolina

  Dude it's huge. I don't usually like looking at those things, but you're kind of forced to stare that horse in the face.

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• (602): View more from Arizona

  We go out, we get drunk, we watch Star Wars, we pass out. What's wrong with this tradition?

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• (603): View more from New Hampshire

  omg how embarrassing to not hear the delivery person knocking because you're singing "where are you Pizza" to the tune of "where are you christmas" too loudly

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• (573): View more from Missouri

  He walked in wearing nothing but a WWF belt and yelled "THE CHAMP... IS... HEEERE!!!"

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