dude you just took shreks wife home. what the fuck is wrong with you
when a bears hungry he eats besides shes got her nipples pierced
2 v-cards in one night. impossible is nothing.
Jenna and Ryan are ranting and raving about child custody. MY VASECTOMY SMILES.
I feel like my teeth are sweating.
Itd be like fucking a waterbed thats been locked in a barn for two years.
Where in the FUCK do you get your analogies
I took 20 bucks from you because when I woke up I saw more of you than I ever wanted to see bro.
Totally acceptable.
I put chex mix in your purse for when you get hungry while doing your walk of shame tomorrow!
If it makes you feel any better about life I'm wearing yoga pants with granny panties and toms with socks cause fuck my life
He said I was really mad at him on Friday. Dude I fell asleep in all my clothes and shoes, with my flashlight on, on my phone... I could have been mad at the wall. It wasn't my classiest day.
He still texted me and invited me over a day later so I guess I'm the lovable kind of psycho
National champion athletes like gay butt sex, too. I'm just here to help them out.
I just want you to know when I bang him in the back of my car later I'll have pony by ginuwine on repeat
You can't just say "I scored us a potential threesome" and then not text me back.
He showed up in a Prius. I didn’t even wanna.... So I left.
I cant tell you how much harder a belt makes hoeing
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