Gonna be late. Someone jumped in front of our train.
You tied the party balloons to your nipple ring so that everyone would know you partied.
just found out my horoscope sign is scales. it's like i was destined to be a drug dealer
no more everclear, i just stood next to the toilet and peed my pants. then went back to the party soaking wet.
if you were drunk and peed in your friend's washing maching, would you send an "i'm sorry" text or say nothing at all?
all hypothetical of course
Dude, I swear her tits are going to give me a concusion.
So where are we on this whole, you write my paper...i do sexual favors situation?
we got plastered, then made lists of anything thats ever been in our vaginas
I know. Brad is upset because he was lower on the list than "that carrot stick"
tequilla shots with my grandparents? christmas visiting just got so much better
That UFC fighter fucked me so hard I have what can only be described as a "cuntcussion"
Jacked up my neck and shoulder hanging on for dear life while I rode him like a boss. Plus my house smells like broccoli, bad! How's YOUR morning?
its 2pm. u awake yet?
ill text u back later. still peeling fingernail polish off my face.
He threw a twenty at the stripper and asked for change
well did he get it
....yes
So I pass out narcotics if its a girl?
I found a hot kiwi last time and sucked his dick. That's what rooftop bars are made for.
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