your parents love me but you hate me
My wife caught me jerking off, I had to tell her I was thinking bout her
If he starts "inventing" things cut him off. The last thing he invented was chocolate chip green beans and he destroyed my kitchen
I heard from anne today. She has a broken collarbone and is knocked up. Apparently florida is awesome
I'm a 23 year old virgin. I've masturbated in ways you can't even imagine.
Im sleeping in your bed. Sorry for the sand and the noise and the loud people. Im starving
Your blankets are not drunk friendly
It was a deal breaker when she told me not to wear a condom and god would decide if we were meant to be together.
Night is still young. Puking guts out part of it just began
2nd year in a row being a arrested before school starts...tradition at its finest
I told him I was on the pill and it was OK to fire away. I want to never have to wear panty house or ever go to an office again. This is my early retirement plan. I want half of his NBA money.
Idk what the interview would be like but I imagine you in a suit and tie surveying a nervous freshman and eventually leading him into a labyrinth of debauchery and clapping him on the back, saying "welcome to the fraternity, son"
I may be a feminist, but I am not above using my body to distract you if it means I might beat you in a game of scrabble.
After we had sex he began to tell me the craziest places he's had sex. He told me KFC bathroom so I rolled over and went to sleep.
This will never work. His dick is smaller than mine.
Wow. And yours is kind of small.
RIGHT?
If I don’t find a quality dick soon I’m going to beg the neighbor for another threesome with her and her husband. It’s like Covid killed all the quality penis Vegas normally has
Randomize
