Pretty sure somebody just said 'I used to have a nipple'
that's awkward
I was so drunk last night i ate cereal with a fork.
Come on... In this relationship-economy, you gotta have "awesome blowjobs" on your resume.
you kept lying down on the floor at the bar just to prove you could get back up
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I just walked by that girl who tried to commit suicide over me in high school. That was weird.
He's the equivalent of a body pillow and a dildo. But still funny. We have good pillow talk.
Feels weird sitting between two guys who've had their heads between my legs in a 24 hour span.
i think you ate grass..but you refused to open your mouth so we could see..
Well it involved jumping two nine foot fences. But when you mix alcohol and persistence you can't lose.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Gold rum. Strong marijuana. Jabba the Hut in stilettos. Deep thigh bruise. Yes, thal all happened. Sorry dude.
I can't wet the bed. That was the old me. I'm grown
Oh my god
We're going to party like we don't have spanx on
and the oscar for 'most creative swearing' goes to you for 'jesus's bloody fucksticks'
I just googled "creative ways to tell someone you'll give them a blow job". I'm losing my touch.
I'm sharing a breakfast burrito w my uber driver
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