Its about making memories worth repressing
It's sad the highlight of the night was you didn't electrocute yourself again.
I used the lotion his mom gave me for christmas to give him a hand job. It felt so wrong.
He's basically like a fancy dildo that buys me dinner.
It was relaxing until your penis crawled in my ear.
You're putting the star player on the bench. You dont put Michael Jordan on the bench.
Are you referring to my vagina as Michael Jordan?
I GOT MY PERIOD THIS IS A GLORIOUS DAY I AM TOTALLY GOING TO MAKE PIES TO CELEBRATE THAT THERE ARE NO REPUBLICANS IN MY UTERUS!
I think I may be the only girl in the world that can say she has fallen asleep grasping a penis..... 3 different times...... 3 different penises
You're the common denominator of my blackouts.
I swear she is the Mary Poppins of drugs
We will walk in fields of dick.
You seriously need to stop quoting those songs when i'm with my parents.
Well if I can't snuggle you, I might as well snuggle a stranger's cat.
Drunk me commented on almost all of her pictures. My favorite one is titled "be as the sea". My comment is "cold, rough, large and letting anyone come inside you. you accomplished." Guessing I'm not invited to the party anymore.
I thought I was really making her scream. Turns out she had a Lego jammed in her lower back.
The prescription the hospital gave me for pain and nausea doubles for my hangovers... Maybe I'll hit up the ER more often
Randomize
