This is not my ceiling
ignore voicemail. the cock hath been unblocked.
I took her to see 2012 then broke up with her, the movie was a metaphor.
That girl gave me her number because you were arrested. I am so proud of you dude.
yea i really dont care about the sex, i just want him to eat my vag. He has to be good at because of his tremors.
Drinks appeared in front of me. Who am I to deny destiny? And by destiny, I mean free drinks, which appear by magic.
I think the moment I knew you were going to black out was when I told you how many shots you had already and you were shocked and then poured another one
I almost spit out my drink. But only almost, because it was vodka. And you don't spit out vodka.
I still have the video of you three making soup in my kitchen and asking random people for permission DURING the party, not after like usually
Don't remember, didn't happen
I HAVE THE VIDEO YOU DICK IT HAPPENED
GUESS WHO STILL HAS BOTH NIPPLES!
He said he loves me but he haven't eaten me out yet. So I don't think he means it.
Every time I start to trust vodka, it does this to me.
Did you leave a mouse under my pillow again?
However many condoms you have, it isn't enough.
So what happened at girls night? My roomate found me passed out locked out on the front steps of the house and it was raining. Yes low moment
Randomize
