he spent the whole night trying to convince me into a2m. i won't even use the pb til i clean the jelly knife. i love him but it's not going to happen.
What about the words "You're my personal dildo" made him say "I love you"?
He called me from prison intake to wish me luck on my job interview. Somehow that's the most romantic thing that's ever happened to me.
I can't believe you just thanked me for a blowjob on my Facebook wall...
I actually want to hang out with her with our clothes on. That's a big step up for me.
You found me in the back room alone eating someone else's whole birthday cake with my hands then asked me if you could join.
Well she started to strip and when she slung her hair at me, she painted my face with sweat. A LOT OF SWEAT. It was a weird boner.
Apparently I blacked out and started wrestling with some dude last night. Just found out I might have dislocated his shoulder. Best part: he still wants to bone me
At first I was nervous about leaving him my undergraduate legacy, but apparently he made out with lesbians, woke up with hickeys and a different shirt. My family name will survive.
at least its a cool name to shout when he's balls deep in you later
Apparently chalking everything I've done these past 48 hours to the fact that it was homecoming, is like a "get out of jail free" card.
St. Patrick's day can kiss my ass. Still hungover. I guess I showed up at my gym blacked out yesterday morning. Like im not missing a gym day b
I drank too much tequila. I'm hyperventilating. Send help. I think I slipped through satan's asshole.
Is talking to an iron man poster a good or bad indicator that you've been drinking too much?
Is there any chance of you maybe wanting a bouncy house at your wedding. Like maybe a .0001 chance. If so I would totally chip in for that.
Randomize
