OK...I gotta go get strawberry short cake cakes and knee pads
Dan is more possessive of me than a Michael Jackson is of McCully Caulkin
was*
True, R.I.P.
Then he told me I had the most beautiful looking vulva
She is the perfect woman. She cooks, gives good head and doesn't care that I have a small penis.
I'm drinking Dom Perignon from the bottle with a straw just to piss of some french dude.
Can you work for me at 4? We might have just taken some drugs we found in the couch and... end of story
He's writing a strongly worded email to Trojan right now
I TOLD YOU THE BARESKIN CONDOMS WEREN'T AS RELIABLE.
can i bring anything?
Any of the following: Sex doll, side dish, fruits/vegetables that look like dildos, beer
is there a theme i should know about?
So his shoes are still here. And there are three contacts in a case. And a shirt on the bed. I've checked my dorm and he's not here. I'm so confused.
I saw him and didn't have sex with him. Responsibility five!
He pulled out a coupon for $2.50 off the crab cakes and expected us to share that as a meal. Is that the kind of person you really see me dating?
I'm sorry I peed on myself in front of your boy toy. You should tell him I'm usually not that trashy. It was nice meeting him tho..
I've made a single handle of rum last like three weeks and my mom hasn't even acknowledged it.
He had a cruise ship of a dick and I need to set sail on that ocean again
Failing this, see a doctor for elephant tranquillisers, to be taken with whiskey orally, twice at dawn.
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