i'm pretty sure the devil's penis is california-shaped
I would have been "that girl" at the party last night if it wasn't for that girl who puked in the potted plant...
When she showed me how she could touch her toes without bending her knees, suddenly her face didn't worry me quite as much.
He then proceeded to tell me about his enlarged lymph nodes, his"severe" case of blue balls.
Don't blame the cocaine for your eating disorder.
I think "banned from Amtrak due to excessive projectile vomiting" would sum up the evening quite nicely.
You walked away saying that you had to pee and you never came back. We found you an hour later in his roommate's bed. Under the covers. Still in your wet bathing suit.
I just sent her mug shot out in a mass text because I hate her and her cocaine eyes are hilarious.
I just saw him carrying his little sister while walking his puppy. And he was shirtless. I swear my ovaries just exploded
If I had that in my pants Omg I would want a shirt made so everyone knew
Can you bring home bongs? Like all the bongs. I need bongs
When I die, I want you to spread my ashes at a Cracker Barrel.
So when this rash is gone wanna hang out?
I spy something regrettable...
Oh my god. Stop!! It was one time and I still can't believe it.
I should have known when she said it would be "fun" we'd end up in the hospital
Randomize
