dats a huuuuuge bitch!
who is this????
I had new employee orientation at the YMCA today. I showed up with a hangover, a black eye, scratches down my arm, and a sore throat from puking gin and keystone.
she just refered to her hymen as "the mrs"
I'm naming my child veloci raptor. And you can be a part of its life if you want. But that's its name. Cause i have the vagina.
Taking my final with a coffee mug full of keystone... best semester ever.
He was probably pissed, but i couldn't tell for sure. How pissed can someone really look while holding a fishbowl mimosa?
I inspected his penis with a mini flashlight to check for visible stds...he was clean
I was just laying in bed wondering if there's more important things in life than cheese stuffed pretzels.
The best part about drinking boxed wine is you can blow up the bag and use it as a pillow
She kept asking for cigarettes, than just put them in her purse as "savings"
"what's it like being a dancer turned stoner" well, i can change the netflix using my feet mid bongrip, so there's that.
Oh! You were the one walking around cradling the bottle of Fireball all night!
...its technically supposed to be for the bridal shower but I think I can find an ensemble that says "im hopped up on x. Stick your tongue down my throat." As well as " im supporting your marriage to my brother"
Found this cake smashed up inside a box on the sidewalk. Im saying yes to adventure and eating some.
Taking a nap. Sidewalk cake kicked my ass. It had boston creme filling!
You went after him with a sword while screaming “FAJITAS!”. And Todd was dressed as a Goth for some reason
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