He proposed that we "bone". I've completely given up on boys.
This is worse than the time I broke into Subway to steal bread.
Just watched the couple I sit for and 4 of their friends shotgun beers like college kids. Please let this be us when we get older.
Woke up to the first three complete chapters of my new novel titled "If My Dick Could Talk" waiting for me on my laptop
I'll see your cousin, and raise you a sister.
Im trying to find an appropriate gift to your mom for getting both you and your sister on birth control within a week, any suggestions?
he slipped a picture of a kangaroo under my door that said "im sorry" on the back and passed out on my lawn.. who the fuck is this kid?
I think I just ate eggs off of a plate covered in cocaine.
Also, did you really start discussing the weather in the middle of telling you my sexual fantasy about you?
Trying to stay sober at a family function but hiccuping so fucking loud. "Have you been drinking?" I hit on my cousin so yeah. I have been drinking.
He gave me an extra phone charger for the other side of the bed the other night. Is that love?
Are you really trying to argue your case that you seduced my cat?
just learned i can hear my fish chewing his food WHILE HES IN HIS BOWL. im going to have to call you back.
I have a dinner date combo blowjob event with Tristan tonight.
Okay I’ll say it... THIS MOVIE FUCKS
That’s probably the first time I've heard Little Women described that way and I love it
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