You'll put your fingers inside me but you won't be my FB friend?
He is such a gentleman, he paid for my plan b
Appropriately today was the first time I've ever GTL'd. I can't believe I made fun of this,it's rather relaxing.
What is the protocol for an "i'm sorry I had my ex retrieve me from the bar so I didn't drive drunk" blow job
Stolen hampster on my tits. Don't tell me I don't know how to party.
You need to stop having girl talk with the guys I'm sleeping with.
You know it's been a good thanksgiving when you pee all over your own hands.
God gave me a talent besides one night stands. I feel like I should use it
We decided to try to steal hot dogs but it ended up with me punching him in the face and crying. Pretty solid night
How do I have sand in my vagina if we were an hour away from the beach?
Does puke ruin car paint? Good thing it's raining.
Your clever response has earned you a blow job this week
i spent my Thursday drinking before noon and not wearing pants
It's the Ides of March, motherfucker. That means we're supposed to daydrink, right?
My brother is coming home and he is bringing a whole bunch of friends with him. I am making him a cake. What should i put on it?
"Open for business" or "I have condoms" would probably work
Randomize
