whoever created level 16 on brickbreaker is a dick
Santa was walking around downtown handing out stuff at the bars. He gave me a free eyebrow wax. I think he's trying to tell me something
nobody understands how my tooth became embedded in the ceiling last night.
I just really need to get the matching flask to go with my pill box. Is this another step towards rock bottom?
We spent a good 10 minutes in the morning looking for my clothes. I ended up taking the bus home in my 6inch heels and his baggy t-shirt. The bus was filled with kids... one of them whistled at me.
Is it sad that I have better conversations with his roommate before or after sex than I do with him in general?
I think I'm done drinking. How did we end up partying at a frat house with my mom...
If I ever see that bitch it is going down flavor of love style
I fell into a police barricade, a cop helped me up and asked if I've been drinking. I just looked at him and said "dude.." He proceeded to take out his handcuffs
How dare sober me try to tell drunk me I can't eat the applesauce in the fridge! Stingy bitch IM EATING THE APPLESAUCE! you can tell sober me I said that.
I just described cereal to my mother as "acoustic breakfast soup".
who is this
there's a bowling ball in the dishwasher and a dog bone in the freezer
I just don't understand what you plan on accomplishing there except for losing all vestiges of post-freshman year dignity
I’m going down on him like an Oompah Loompah on roller skates.
That makes no sense, but good luck
Wait, you met him on Onlyfans? The guy from last night? Which one of you is the fan?
Because one of you banged your stalker
Randomize
