I admire a woman who can maintain dignity while puking after too much whiskey
in the event that i am dead, my body is laying in the intersection of ... the pearl in springfield. it was my friend's 21st but i think i'm dead. wearing a black top. like i said, probably dead.
you better believe me or I'll punch you in the face
Dude, she's just using you for your money, and Cavs tickets.
Honestly, what else do I have going for me?
You make a valid point.
he's listed in a fb relationship with a girl born in 1993. i'm too drunk to do the math on that one, but i am sober enough to know that's illegal
He tried to slow-dance with me in bed. IN BED.
after we had sex he told me his original plan was to have sex with my roommate but his buddy likes her so i was backup
All she kept whispering was put your pickle in my mouth. Then she fell out of her barstool and chipped her tooth
I'm pretty sure I'm the first person in the history of this college to rollerblade their walk of shame.
"just because you look like a short version of scarlet johanson does not mean I would immediately fuck you" that was the single.most difficult thing to say. but seriously I don't want the roots of the whore tree anywhere near my junk.
I reek of latex and grilled onions.
Mission accomplished.
Drinking a pint every 8 mins right now. Power hour aint shit.
Good luck
Trying doe a second hour and I.cant open my eyes
How will you ever teach your dogs to pee outside when the biggest puddle on your bedroom carpet is from you?
Well I shit myself on the way home from work today so there's that...
I just put my eye make up on in the bathroom of the bar.... I may be too comfortable here....
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