Most awkward sex ever...
And im texting you in the middle.
I hope to God it wasnt poon. That odor was unnatural, it was satanic pussy.
Joe is yelling at the trees again.
New drinking game watching teenage mutant ninja turtles movie and drinking every time raphael says damn, someone says april or ms oneil, and shredder appears And every time we see a mustache
The nurse told me they're using the same medicine that killed michael jackson.
Right now I can't do anything that will ban me from donating plasma. That is a legit source of income for me.
He's cheating on his wife, and he's judging me for eating McDonalds
It is very possible that having sex with you just now just got me into Yale
We've only been here for 15 hours and our names are already on 2 separate police reports. We've also been given our "final warning" by the cops and hotel management.
His arresting officer when they were busting up the squat party recognized him from the anti-drone protest. He was like Jesus kid, you were sober last time.
I just heard your voicemail. Glad you like my dick and think I'm cool
My one night stand from last night is currently mowing my lawn for me.
we just smoked for like ten hours and got froyo. not a bad start to the weekend.
tbh I think I just dated him for his dogs in the first place.
I was just at Kroger and saw some guy with a steelers balloon... ran up to him and popped it. NO RAGRETS.
Randomize
