i am making flyers for the homeless letting them know about free chipolte day
It was the gentlest way I could hit on a girl who just got hit by a car
there are 5 pictures on my phone from last night, 4 are too blurry to recognize and the 5th is you dangling a twizzler over your mouth, naked.
It's Friday afternoon and I'm drunk. This is how I cope.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I will not remember tonight for the most part. This text will be evidence. You can and probably will use this against me.
We found him in the neighbors shed using a bicycle as a blanket. We just left him there.
we have what I like to call an assload of ramen noodles
He was wearing a tux and a big sombrero so it automatically made the flute he was playing totally cool
WHY DID I INFORM THE ENTIRE BATHROOM I DONT HAVE AN STD?!?!?!!
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
The time to say "now you can't go and be strange about this at work" is not as you are penetrating your coworker. NOW its awkward
You know I've done a lot of messed up stuff. But I never thought I would have to put a bandaid on my dick. Yet here we are.
Well my mom knows that the welt I had on my forehead last month was the result of a sex accident. This holiday sucks
Your pictures have evolved a lot over the years but I think your angry dick pic phase was one of my favorites
He made her leave because she liked Top-Ramen better than Maruchaun. He's my hero.
I'll talk to you in a minute. Gotta put my peacocks away
Randomize