my night went downhill once I lost my bikershorts. EAWSSSSYY ACCESS
She has an incinerator in her basement. Have you ever incinerated used condoms?
Lmao what?
It's a yes or no question.
he asked me to eat out his asshole. after five minutes of uncomfortable staring i realized he was serious.
Dudeeeee, i ordered strippers for my party.
I ordered a moonbounce.
Fuck, you win.
I vote intervention dinner around 6, make up movie around 7:30ish, then apology drinks all night. Then hangover waffle house in the morning.
I just pull a splinter from the head of my penis. It was a rough night.
Home. Hour long discussion with mom. Very frightened. Eating a sausage. Don't remember making it. Confused.
I just saw that blonde chick you wanna bang rolling down the hall wearing a Thor mask..
Wow. We're meant to be..
To be so small, the mini-horses are exceptionally aggressive. And fast. Very, very fast.
Abort! Abort! He almost bit off a finger!
You better buy her a motherfucking bunnyrabit to make up for this. And me footsie pajamas for being a cockblock.
You showed up at 4 a.m with two middle-aged men, a 200 dollar bottle of wine, three bottles of beer, no shoes on, and a half eaten red velvet cake.You are never drinking absinthe again.
call me with an emergency in 5 min. This chick has a strap on hangin behind the bathroom door.
well when I said that I would ride his face until he ran out of oxygen, that's when I knew I shouldn't be around beautiful people anymore.
Nothing kills the mood like him going to slap my ass and he hits his balls at the same time
I gave him a handjob in the uber car. Life is really spiraling downwards.
Randomize
