you kept yelling something about watching the muppets chirstmas carol and trying to turn the t.v. on with your car keys
My mom just used the words "ice cunt". It may be an interesting day afterall.
You were eating microwaved pad thai out of a solo cup with a pair of scissors....
He got me an interview at his law firm and his boss asked him what he had to say about me. His response "He dates CRAZY bitches."
Like I said I'm looking on the bright side. The bright side just happens to be filled with penis attached to hot marines
And then the lady sheeps would bring me the finest grass to eat cuz im the sheep king and id have sexy smooth sheep fur
proof that my night is going well: I can still open doors
All i remember about last night is holding a bottle of bacardi and screaming challenge accepted!
I know. he thinks we're 'meant to be'. No we're fucking not. God wouldn't give my soulmate a pencil dick.
Come over we're celebrating the one month anniversary of her first 4/20
I thought it was pretty weird, but after the marinating loins thing, i figured i'd roll with it.
I walked in on him pumping himself up by headbanging to the drumbeat from Jumanji.
I'm glad he doesn't have a bigger dick because he'd just use it for evil anyway
I’ve chosen to watch a Mercedes station wagon drive around the Austrian in the rain because it’s live sports. If that doesn’t explain 2020, I don’t know what does.
I WILL go to space. And if we find aliens I WILL fuck one. It’s the Marine Corps way
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