I think they should rename 16 and pregnant to "I was fucked in highschool and all I got was a baby and humiliated infront of the nation on MTV"
My ferret is drunk. Someone told me you'd know what to do?
when she started singing "you look better when im drunk" to my cat i realized it was time to take her home
I was trying to be an adult about it and simply deal with the situation, but a bowl seemed much more comforting.
i have 90 minutes to kick this food poisoning or josh's first experience with buttsex will be his last
The fact that you're allowing Santa to dry hump your ass is sort of a dealbreaker
I guess my vagina missed him because it called and left a 5 min. message. Color me impressed
College: when you wake up drunk without pants and wearing a Cosby sweater
I found my grandmother's vibrator, how was your day?
Did I come home in a police car last night? id come downstairs to ask you but i dont think my legs work anymore
Hooked up with a straight guy while dressed as a man. I'm unstoppable.
He bought me shrimp and alcohol and referred to himself as daddy. I am in love.
Ok, not to minimize the significance of that beautiful anecdote from your childhood, but here's a video of my penis.
Thank you, my gorgeous heroine, for being such a total life-saver by giving me rides, forcing me to eat, providing porous absorbant surfaces to bleed on, and everything else you do <3
Vagina status: the swelling is going down.
Randomize
