dude, it should not be this hard to find a bottomless mimosa on a friday morning
The difference between what I would do for a regular Klondike bar and an Oreo flavored Klondike bar is astounding
everyday i become more and more impressed with my facebook stalking skills
obviously he has no clue about college dating. it goes drunken sex then the 1st date
I think I just got a contact from my own exhale. Def dying.
The guy in the American Flag bikini was telling the women he was disgusted at the amount of alcohol they weren't drinking. Then it got ridiculous.
The last thing I remember before blacking out was telling Jamie that she was too fat even for my standards. The first thing I remember after blacking out was waking up next to her.
We just leapfrogged all the way to the bar.
I'd just like to inform all involved that walking into a liquor store holding a milk crate at the beginning of a night as stock ends badly
I'd feel bad about being drunk at the Christmas service, except for the fact that I've already had sex in this church, so this is just small change.
Sexual Frustration City, population: Me.
I just tried to give a picture of a dude a blowjob. through my computer screen. I was leaning forward with my mouth open and everything so WALK AWAY
this is the first time in over a year I had a pregnancy scare and actually would have known who the father was. I guess this is what adulthood feels like.
Overheard a drunk girl talk about how when she's drunk she believes in more than one God
Paycheck hits in 37 minutes and I literally just emptied my handle of Tito's. If that isn't budgeting like a fucking adult, I don't know what is.
honestly i've never been more attracted to you than when you threw up on my floor
Randomize
