pube in her braces AGAIN. barely kept a straight face.
At what point should shame kick in? Realising I had a one night stand with a man engaged or realising I am that man's wedding photographer?
Well i have to fuck at least one of your roommates this year to keep the tradition alive.
Drag queen told me that I have the cheek bones to do drag. That's supposed to boost my moral.
Wow. I grabbed the wrong container to rinse my contacts- it was a beer. And it comes out waaaay faster than saline.
I think we did. All i know my pants smell like pong water due to the bathroom extravagansa. God I feel like a whore.
Just do it. I grew some lady balls and did it last year. It's your turn. Time to show what you're made of. Hit it or quit it.
I just asked him what would happen if my boobs fought crime. I think I'm cut off.
If he refers to me as slump buster one more fucking time.
Nobody's dick fell into my mouth tonight
I have to choose between charging my phone or my vibrator. This is bullshit.
I've got five complains from the landlord about she being too loud during sex in two weeks I'm marrying her
It finally happened my mom knowingly gave me money to buy drugs i knew this day would come\n
You were so drunk, you kept telling everyone you had a platinum vagina.
He was a half hour late. His excuse was that his brother knifed him right before he was going to leave. I didn't believe him until I saw the gauze.
Randomize
