I was so drunk i thought Kathy Griffin was funny
Best news of the day: the hot chick at the funeral was NOT related to me... Thank god
Superbowl and Mardi Gras a week apart. World's longest bender here I come.
I've got 15 minutes to eat dinner and drink a 40. Four years of college has all been training for this moment.
Did we literally take a cab across the street
You just seemed really offended whenever my cup was empty.
it's a simple rule - pass out shirtless on the couch, become an airsoft target.
He tried to introduce me to one of his friends that kept looking at me and I said "OH NO! I can't do this shit anymore!!" It was like I had a vision of what drunk me would've done in about 20 minutes.
I just woke up on my neighbors floor with my boots on, but no pants. I have 3 separate taco bell receipts in my pocket.
you ever just feel like an organ is failing?
I slapped a guy during sex last night because he moaned the wrong name. Then I remembered I gave him a fake name. Sorry bro.
sometime during the night he found me in the empty hotttub singing marvins room in only my bra.
Wine through a straw in a subway cup.....classy
I’ll always remember that day you sent me that random nude on accident lmao changed my life
I guess it's too forward to greet him with a blow job?
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