I've decided to bang my pen-pal.
then for some reason i googled "how much to buy a cannon"
I will give you vagina for bag of have'a corn chips.
I just want you to know the floor between our rooms isnt sound proof "Captain Cock"
I save people's lives for a living, but I want to ruin his marriage.
third eye blind makes so much more sense now that i have a drug problem
Sonogram pictures belong on a fucking fridge...NOT FACEBOOK!!
mom just made me 'sorry-you-have-hpv-pancakes'
It's not so much that I'm giving her money because I threw up on her floor. It's more like I'm paying her to never ever mention it again.
That edible kicked in right as I was upside-down on that rollercoaster. Fucking.mind.blown.
I'll only sleep there if we can bone on your balcony.
I tried to trade my phone for pizza last night. I guess I had priorities last night
It was like the icing on a beautiful fuck boy cake.
The only thing i ask you for is vegan food and sex.
I ended up sleeping with him in a public bathroom because neither of us remembered where we lived. I have hit a new low.
Randomize
