Need a ride. Apparently screaming about the bartender's erectile dysfunction gets you kicked out.
Smoking bowl and applying to community college. I now know how I got here.
I knew the cheap date at Taco Bell would backfire because it makes even the most pre-cautious girls involuntary fart in public
omg. he's a virgin strip club employee who's going to college on a ping pong scholarship. this is unreal.
Did you eat 9 cans of raviolii last night?
Come on man nobody wants to admit that
I could study for finals and ace all my tests but wheres the fun in that? id rather black out and hope for the best
I forgot how easy it is to have sex in public when you're wearing a dress. Thank you global warming.
woke up to find i out made out with his roommate before hooking up with him. breakfast was awkward to say the least
I'm two shots in and wandering around Barnes and Noble with $58 in singles.
How bout we save the 40s for when we FINISH the project this time..
How early is too early to start drinking when studying for the bar?
I just want somebody who'll randomly bring me pizza and lovingly squeeze my butt. Is there a dating app for that, do you think?
Sorry about the Christmas balls dude. At the time I thought they were festive as fk but I see now I've just spent too much time on the internet
Do you think this 2 hour Amazon delivery thing works on vibrators? Cause that would be clutch
I just told my mormon professor that I was late because I was getting a STD test... good start to the day.
Randomize
