We're pretty sure the 'pocket' aspect of the hot pocket is unnecessary. Testing our theory now.
I woke up at 2 in my clothes with a defrosted steak in my pocket, no drinky this week at all.
The entire defensive line took care if me when I passed out. One of them even held my hair when I puked and the other carried me upstairs to bed. God I love football so much more now
I realised my life had gone downhill since being unemployed when I was making key lime pie on acid at 3am Tuesday morning.
Ughhh I can't remember the last time "time fell back or springed forward" and I wasn't at the bar to argue about it :(
All I've succeeded in doing since I saw you is drool on my shoulder
Whenever you get off. By "pick me up from work" I mean, "pick me up from a bar by work at your earliest convenience" :)
I work nights. I sleep in. I take online classes. And fuck bad bitches. I'd say those are some perks to grad school.
This morning I found four opened yet full beers on my desk and my towel rack pulled off the wall and in bed with me
the fact that I always have. bottle of tequila in my purse is not helping my current sitch
Quick, I need a picture of your dick. Don't ask questions, just show me your genitals.
I'm so bored I talked to the Bible guys for 30 minutes.
I offered them beer last time they came here bahaha
I'm asking you this because you're my dad....is coke a drug I should try?
Wine. Check.\nDino chicken nuggets. Check.\n#IssaParty
You do realize it’s only a matter of time before I have a bad day and come home with an alpaca?
Randomize
