I just realized that when I walk away people probably say "wow she really has a drinking problem" and sadly it doesn't bother me.
I just put lube in Matt's bellybutton. He looks unhappy.
Just took a beer bong out of snuffaluffagus's trunk. Your move
WTF?! TAYLOR SWIFT JUST WON ARTIST OF THE YEAR OVER MICHAEL JACKSON?! WHAT IS THIS WORLD COMING TO?!
Oh just living the dream. And by living the dream I mean drinking franzia out of a martini glass and watching family matters. Also, drinking every time Carl Winslow has a mustache and Eddie wears MC Hammer pants
I don't remember you taking the condom off last night. Did you just walk home in it ?
I don't know if I have the sustained energy level for partying hard
Not a choice. You are mistaking my comments as options. My statements are facts. This is what is happening.
Im done having sex . he ruined it for me after he said " can we use my penis as a shovel ?"
I'm beginning to think the only reason I get laid anymore is girls are fantasizing sleeping with my dad...
Just make sure my intervention has a theme...
Oh my god. He likes it up the butt. But loves womanly support. Omg. Its bad. Its bad. Ive had too much whiskey for this to be ANYthing except bad.
Emergency. I brought a boy home and we fell asleep, but I just woke up to him peeing against my bedroom wall. So I brought him to the bathroom but he fell over and he's sleeping in the tub. Can I leave him there? Because that's what I've done.
Better the hardwood than the carpet, right?
He just sent me a picture of multiple chickens eating in his kitchen... should I be worried
I just Spray tanned myself while high as fuck its either going to look like a work of art or terrible graffiti
shit... I double booked my fuck buddies
Randomize
