let's bang
You're in my phone as 'Weird Bus Guy' so I think my answer's no.
you had a panic attack, pissed yourself, and started crying. you never go above the kiddie level of my lil bros schools haunted house ever again.
round 2?
EVER.
The last shot i remember taking was toasted to "love, sex, and magic". Needless to say I was 0 for 3 on that toast for the night.
Dude, I just saw a sixteen year old girl in a catholic school uniform buying a pregnancy test... With a coupon!
I'm in the line at the airport trying not to vomit on the person in front of me. Happy Tuesday.
I'll just wear something slutty to the liquor store and hope for the best
that's your solution for everything
My halloween constume SCREAMS "Hey i just got done with a shitty relationship and I'm DTF"
I forgot to tell you about my 7:30am Sunday morning run to the local convenience store to buy condoms, a du-rag and a shot glass
He could have been a one armed faceless howler monkey. I was so slammered that I didn't care what I was having sex with or if whatever it was... was doing it right.
You should come by for the fire station blow job tour
Dude, I traded weed for crunch berries. Happy Thursday.
So i had a feeling this dude with one leg in a wheelchair was following me around Walmart turns out I was right. He just asked for a picture of my feet.
i mean i let him but still...
I told him that I wanted his dick like I wanted a jumbo hot dog. There something wrong with my priorities
THE EAGLE HAS MY PANTIES. I REPEAT. THE FUCKING MASCOT HAS MY PANTIES.
HOLY SHIT. You're my hero.
On a serious note, don't let me forget to tell you about firecracker baseball. I'm glad I have my fingers. I had to count them.
Randomize
