I just found a porn show called cleavagefield. no i am not watching.
I just remembered we said the Lord's Prayer before we went out last night.
Any little, cute, petite blondes with you?
Nah, I got some slutty brunettes though.
it was literally the size of a crayloa marker. i didnt know what to do with it so i just sat there
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Nyquil jello-shots aiding in health and happiness
He said he only likes girls with a sense of humor, after he took his pants off I understood why
Look. If you get me out of this speeding ticket you can bang my sister. Or my mom. But not both.
well it can jab him in the chin so I am 100% sure he can suck his own dick
We just had an accidental Facebook titty pic scare.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
he BROKE his KNEE while we were getting it on, called 911 and the ambulance that showed up contained two paramedics, ONE WAS HIS FUCKING SISTER!!! HOW IS THIS MY LIFE?!?!?!
Poor life choices...?
He put rainforest music on before we had sex I felt like I was in the Amazon
My puke in the shower morning just turned into a puke in the restroom at work afternoon. I'm the human embodiment of dumpster fire.
So my ex vomited in front of my door and passed out there
I made an executive decision to rename my Resume file to something other than MONEYMONEYMONEY.
I had a dream that you were telling me how good you are at parkour and legit you were doing it just like Michael Scott...
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