he's the Salvador Dali of pubic shaving
after everytime she pucked, she insisted on us all giving her high fives
I just said that Oprah is crazy and like 5 fat white girls jumped down my throat. I sat back and smiled.
maybe if i keep dancing i won't throw up
One thing noone tells you about getting put in the drunk tank is do it barefoot. You get free flipflops.
I picked up the bartender so he could open the bar early and ended up with him giving me a ride home when he closed. I like snowdays and everything, but they get really expensive. Also, I think I threw up on his front door. Not checking.
I don't know what to say to that. All I know is my vagina is trying to jump through the phone.
Breakfast of champions
Is that a dick crepe?
It is indeed
It'll be a romanticized airport meeting until I'm judged for sitting on his face in the terminal
I don't know but this 12 year old kid is soaking up all of our bad morals like a super tampon on the second day of my period
Everyone's impressed that I actually got pee all over his car since I'm a girl and they're a little curious..
She posted a pic of her bf on ig wishing him a happy bday at midnight. She then proceeded to have sex with me. Who is the bday boy again?
Is it customary to send a 'thank you card'to someone who gave you awesome oral as a gift at your housewarming party?
Don't tell me I can do whatever makes me happy while also saying I have to put on pants.
PLEASE LET MY BIRD FUCK YOUR BIRD
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