fuck, i never want to drink again I drunk dialed matt last night and broke up with him the second night in a row. FUCK QUADFEST
he took his pants off right in front of me then just stood there so i went for his boxers and he said he was waiting till marriage
bet u 5 dollars u can't guess were i woke up this morning
oh god.. jail?
better, on the catwalk of the auditorium
yeah i fucked her in the storage room on the inflatable mattress. i don't know if i should feel proud for me or bad for her.
So there I was.....spitting on my goldfish just to keep it alive.
Her gay brother kept hitting on me and cockblocking me. Don't even begin to tell me how bad your night was.
Why is there a frozen condom filled with water in my freezer?
IM A DRUNK BIRTHDAY CLEOPATRA MESS. CELEBRATE THAT BITCH
I don't know if this whole sobriety thing is going to work out... It's only been 3 days and I want to chug vodka
Brandon just showed up at my place with a florida state cheerleader he met in vegas durin spring break. His life is a fucking movie
possible new low: just washed a permanent marker penis off my cheek with porta-potty hand sanitizer.
also if this is gonna be a sample of how country jam will be, I might as well break up with him now. he spent the night blacked out and I could have been in a three-some.
yea sometimes its awkward. but when you're a straight bartender at a gay bar and everyone knows it, they all think that they can make me turn gay. its like oh yea dude that extra $20 tip makes me want to suck some dick now
Oh, now I remember why I deleted your number. You're kind of a dick. Please delete mine.
right now I am washing the alcohol and shame off from last night
No you just wanted to pass out in your hallway because your room was too far away
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