I have this horrible feeling I'm going to blackout tonight & only be able to say 'wasabi bobby' over & over again.
i just spent an hour trying to convince my blind date that star wars is better than star trek. help me
I just realized that "Hey girl, when you gonna let me tap that?" is in iambic pentameter. I'm going to write a poem...
just scratched off #34 on my list of things to do before age 30 - drunk in a helicopter.
until you tell me otherwise ill assume we're playing "cavity search" the homeland security game to spice up our sex life
well other than the faint smell of fireworks in the truck you can't really tell the windshield was exploded
you might as well be a hobo. you were covered in pee last night hanging out on the stairs drunk.
right. well we all have our lows.
Just tell your mom you have to go somewhere half naked with a strange man. She'll understand
Oh and someone pissed in my shoes, so I'll let you figure that out.
I HAVE to find her. I've got a pretty decent pic of her footprint on my headboard. Wonder if I can get one of the podiatry majors to help?
Shirley Temple died. We owe it to her to get dirty shirley wasted.
I woke up like how did I get here this blanket is nice but it was just the curtain
The look of disappointment from my cat while I take nudes...
Don't get mad at me now, you have my car and all the doughnuts
Well you’re enrolled in an Ivy League grad school and I’m currently at a 2 star holiday inn in rural PA so who is really thriving here
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