So i'm in mason getting an ultrasound.. and there are a bunch of hicks in here with their wild ass children and this one young mom yells at her kid "harley sit!"
You should introduce yourself as garth. As in garth brooks.
Ed hardy makes air fresheners now. Now even the air can be a douchebag.
there r dinosaurs outside my house i hear them
pretty sure those are just snow plows....go back to bed
Why is your vibrator in the fridge?
I'm testing sex in Alaska before I go there.
Blonde 1 is sitting on the floor crying and blonde 2 is asleep with her face in the toilet. This isn't what I had in mind when they asked me back
theres a turtle on the table. helping me eat my ramon noodles.
Yea my vagina was pretty pissed at me for not taking advantage of the situation...
She sucked my dick while i watched james bond. And they say marriage sucks
I will forever be haunted by the image of you hurrying to finish your Jimmy Johns sandwich in the Taco Bell drive thru so you could proceed to order $17 dollars worth of shitty Mexican food.
We love you just as you are but we might love you more if we didn't have to post bail so often...
At what point does "I'm too high to deal with you right now" stop being rude?
No one should ever have to Neosporin their nipples. At least he apologized.
our jesse-walt dynamic is actualy really perfect because i want to start a small time drug empire and you want to get high a lot its very accurate
I had sex on a seadoo on the middle of the lake lastnight
let your parents know i'm sorry i ran around the house pretending their metal detector was a "booze detector"
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