You should never have let annie watch you have sex with other women
I feel like I could be a daytime drinking legend, like they could put that shit on my tombstone and right now your preventing me from reaching my full potential
just used my nephews bottle to take my birth control
Listen, everyone has a price and mine is free taco bell.
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He fingered me and now wants me to go get plan b because of it. WE'RE IN COLLEGE.
Think I just subconsciously wanted a cigarette and started sleep walking to Carl's.. Didn't realize what I was doing until I found myself in an elevator.
possible new low: just washed a permanent marker penis off my cheek with porta-potty hand sanitizer.
also if this is gonna be a sample of how country jam will be, I might as well break up with him now. he spent the night blacked out and I could have been in a three-some.
Yes, yes I will fake crap in his house for you.
Do you understand how hard it is to go down on a guy underwater? Didn't think so....
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She told me she loved my new hairstyle. I told her its called head head.
Do you hit a new low in life when you have to carry around a puke bag in your purse when you're hungover?
They came over the loud speaker and said "no laying on the dance floor.." I thought i was dancing, but apparently that's just the way it started out.
It's rum buckets o'clock
Btw...refried beans is a terrible thing to throw up.
I was just giving a mobile app demo to a client, on my iPhone, when a reminder alert appeared across the page blinking "12pm: go home and give John head". You're an asshole
Hahaha oops.
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