look, i may have sacrified a 20% assignment for a sprite. this is what hangovers do to me.
just convinced someone I was a virgin. I love when people don't know me.
He woke up, mumbled "silverware", and went back to sleep
Is it awkward to ask someone I've slept with to officiate my wedding?
Well regardless of which drugs we choose to do tonight until four in the morning, we are having a wii bowling championship. So choose carefully.
Make sure your heart doesn't explode. These are words of wisdom.
"Shots" of grape juice. I fucking hate Utah soooo fucking much.
i just keep picturing us drunk surrounded by kittens.
Just don't eat pie out of the sink. It's a real blow to the self esteem.
He raised his arm and dropped it in his sleep to smack himself awake. He knows his phone has an alarm clock right?
BABIES FOR EVERYONE. I'd be like Oprah except with babies
i swear, you were born with a blunt in one hand and somebody else's wallet in the other.
Just did a "spirit of homecoming" bump off a stranger's credit card. A stranger that dropped us off at home. Erica's bad. How do allllll of the Eastern Europeans know how to find drugs so easily?!?
do you remember yelling out "insecurity makes my pussy dry!" unnecessarily loud at the bar?
He came so fast i dont think he got it all the way in. He apologized and gave me his favorite baseball card.
Randomize
