he chased her out of the bar yelling "TAKE MY VIRGINITY" and i havent seen her since
just jacked off with my ROTC uniform on. boy i feel like an american.
..i think i can hear you losing your virginity
Bottle rocket just missed my head by about 3 inches. Of course I'm being safe
Sex tent. say it aloud its amazing. promise you we rnt stoned.
I found your bra. How you get it off the satellite dish is your problem.
I'm so high I feel like I'm pedaling a bicycle but I'm laying on the couch. My body might be vibrating. I made soup.
yea. Don't mess. He will heal me. But my blowjobs will be historical.
Okay. But I hope it isn't expensive lingerie. Because I'm ripping it off Hulk Hogan style.
He got a slutty, ugly mother of a 7 year old, and I got a dog that only sleeps and shits on clean clothes. No one won in this break up.
We are sitting here staring into each others eyes, mutually rubbing forks up and down our respective noses. High as balls doesn't even begin to cover it.
My crowning drunk achievement from that night was donating $5 to the Obama campaign.
You're perfect
That's how all the girlfriends are. Oh he's a boy, no worries, then BAM. I blow their boyfriend.
Last night I got drunk on margaritas at an Irish pub and came home with only one shoe. I have to get my shit together.
You really know how to show Monday who's boss.
Alan said you can come over and eat me out anytime you want, as long as we give him enough notice to hide in the closet before we arrive
Randomize
